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25th December (December Contest)

Submitted by Chiori on Sat, 2017-12-23 10:20

My mind awaits fresh attire
The one am entitled to; every culmination of time,
The lightening trees worries me not,
But my neighbors in the glorified edifice
Put the oil in the crying pot,
Unleash the tied chicken for its execution is now,
a compliment for the waiting throat.

An aura of dance and merriment, flowing around
From those children of my side of life
Though given little but appreciates immensely,
How I wish today can stay forever!
when in my bed I watch the moon cross
a time when the city heads reminiscence their villages,
I love 25th December.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

Memories of Holidays Past

Comments

Geezer

Sat, 2017-12-23 10:42

I like...

your title and your language is good enough that I get the picture. The pace kept moving along and was good for the work. I see that Western culture has made inroads in your country. Good luck with that! [read sarcasm ]. At least so far, it is of a benevolent nature. I like the thinking behind this poem and I see that even though there may not be much to go around, there is a holiday spirit here and life is peaceful for a while. I am glad for that! Happy Holidays to you and yours. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Chiori

Sat, 2017-12-23 12:49