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Silence Holds the Light
silence holds the light
clouds wear white and fence
the azure sky; moon shines full,
possibilities
stars reflect dreams dreamt
across blue rivers flowing,
thrives free life as love
peer past rapids roar
foams of unforgiveness, old
silence holds the light
-Alison Breskin
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Sat, 2017-12-16 22:21
Hi Alison
Welcome to neopoet. If you have navigation or other problems just holler. I like the idea of clouds fencing. I expect lightning is their sword.............stan
Eumolpus
Sat, 2017-12-16 22:32
the "un" factor
I very much like the movement and sound of the poem, it is delicate.
I was nicely drawn into the general softness and ethereal direction and then came love
peer past rapids roar
foams of unforgiveness
which took me out of the poem. Going from dreamy and flowing was leading me to any gust from the river current as forgiveness of the silence, and the whole poem changes with the "un" , and confuses the meaning for me..
There is some very nice craft here, and welcome to this site.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
scribbler
Sun, 2017-12-17 09:39
Alison and Shoestring
Are presently helping me with a book and I'm hoping they will stay here after that is completed