Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Who says!

Submitted by taraa on Fri, 2017-11-24 07:48

Do we not have same head?
Same soul, heart, mind, and body
Do we not feel as you feel?
Do we not feel same pain as you feel?
When your woman is behold by another man

Do we not have same blood?
Running through our veins
Do we not feel the same agony?
When a woman watched her man
With another woman

Do we not bleed if you cut us?
Do we not die if you poison us?
Do we not care if you care more?
Do we not love if you love us?
Do we now love if you hate us?
Do we not share same tears with pains?
Then, who says it’s a men’s world
Nor dare to condemn the woman
In these acts we both are involve in.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Chiori

Fri, 2017-11-24 08:25

Chiori's picture

am short of words, having many thoughts already running through my head after reading this poem, the imagery in your poem signifies that some people believe that a man is different from a woman, or a man is more superior compared to a woman which has been one of the numerous problems African's as a whole have been facing, lets take the Igbo people in the eastern Nigerian for an example, they believe that having a girl child is a punishment from the gods or impotency of not being able to give birth to a boy child.

in conclusion, i like the way you constructed the poem, man and woman are the same since we share the same feelings,

Same soul, heart, mind, and body
Do we not feel as you feel?
Do we not feel same pain as you feel?
When your woman is behold by another man

nice one waiting to see more of you.

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

taraa

Tue, 2017-11-28 07:58

thanks, appreciate.

author comment

Eumolpus

Sat, 2017-11-25 21:56

Eumolpus's picture

"all's fair in love and war" I looked that us and got this: "The earliest known origin of the sentiment "all is fair in love in war" is found in poet John Lyly's novel "Euphues: The Anatomy of Wit," published in 1579. The novel recounts the romantic adventures of a wealthy and attractive young man, and includes the quote "the rules of fair play do not apply in love and war."

I like your approach to this take on the battle of the sexes. At least in the West this theme is what most of the songs, movies, tv shows, and books are about. Love, jealousy, betrayal.. In other cultures we know that women can suffer greatly by their passion, including stoning and beatings, whereas men get away with it. But I don't sense that political or religious considerations are part of this poem. I like that you used universal commonalities of the sexes and kept it focused on the theme, and not only condemning women.
(There are several grammar issues which are noticeable..a person is not behold but beheld. "It's a man's world" ,not "men's world")

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

taraa

Tue, 2017-11-28 07:53

Thanks for the corrections, and it's noted. will definitely make an amendment.
Hope to see more of your corrections on all and any of my poems.
Thanks.

author comment

lovedly

Sat, 2017-11-25 23:38

lovedly's picture

men’s world
meaning
man's world>>>>>>

well also instead of
same
may be you used
similar

each one's blood is different
yet similar
red and white corpuscles etc

great poetry coming out of new influx
from NIGERIAN POETS
it is great
keep it up

taraa

Tue, 2017-11-28 07:45

Thanks for the corrections, and it's noted. will definitely make an amendment.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.