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BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL

Submitted by Chiori on Fri, 2017-11-10 06:05

I am unique you know!
Light and darkness is of great importance
Without hydroquinone, the morning dew
How can the charcoal turns light headed
Or disguise in another face unknown
Oh! Mothers tongue long aborted
The straw we all emanate from
Search for the black goat while the sun smiles.

Your identity is unknown to us,
Your appearance speaks amusing truth
Though one road we journeyed
A chameleon is unstable of its own
If they decline you who will accept
Like a golden fish that has no place
Run back now, run.
when the water is still behind the calabash.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Everybody is unique no matter your color, no matter your language.
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Eumolpus

Fri, 2017-11-10 12:38

Eumolpus's picture

I read your poem several times, and I really like the sound of words you have created. You are a magician with words and inner music of phrases. Individually so many of the images are startling.
Unfortunately I cannot catch the thread of the inner meaning. The title, then the first stanza in "i" and the second in "you" I feel like there is a lot of stuff in there, and I wish I could absorb it...

I have learned there's nothing to be embarrassed about if I'm not "getting" a poem...
Can you help me out!

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Chiori

Sat, 2017-11-11 13:59

Chiori's picture

the imagery behind the poem lies between deception of identity, which i used many words like "without hydroquinone the morning dew", "how can the charcoal turns light headed" the poem is about a friend of mine whom i think is tired of being a Black Man that he wants to reinvent himself to a whiteman.

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

author comment

Eumolpus

Fri, 2017-11-10 12:39

Eumolpus's picture

.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Marvel Godwyn

Sat, 2017-11-11 12:22

Marvel Godwyn's picture

Nice composition, quality imageries ,i perceive your poem speaks of a Black man who desperately wants to be white.
I may be wrong though. I enjoyed reading it and thanks for sharing.

Geezer

Sat, 2017-11-11 12:24

Geezer's picture
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the opposite from this. My thought is that the black man is trying to be accepted for who he is and not trying to be white. He is told that he should go back to trying to be white, before he is left behind or outcast. "If they decline you, who will accept"? "Like a golden fish that has no place, run back run" "While the water is till behind the calabash". And yes, there is a lot more going on here than at first glance. There is a bit of evolution, "Your identity is unknown to us. Your appearance speaks an amusing truth, though one road we journeyed." Great work, keep it up!
~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Chiori

Sat, 2017-11-11 14:01

Chiori's picture

hmn yes, but in this situation the blackman wants to be white

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

author comment

Marvel Godwyn

Sat, 2017-11-11 13:47

Marvel Godwyn's picture

Okay Geezer,I will have another look at it.

Geezer

Sat, 2017-11-11 14:24

Geezer's picture
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Guess I was wrong after all. Just goes to show that everyone gets something different out each work. ~Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Marvel Godwyn

Sat, 2017-11-11 16:42

Marvel Godwyn's picture

Yes Geezer, you are quite right.

Simon

Mon, 2017-11-13 04:36

Simon's picture

for the first time i read this poem i was dumbfounded but i still think over it and i now understand a bit, it is extremely good thanks for this poem.

Chiori

Mon, 2017-11-13 05:12

Chiori's picture

thanks man

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

author comment
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