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Cri de Coeur

Submitted by Torie on Sun, 2017-10-22 21:05

Running as rivers
Soft as gleam
Maybe liquid
Maybe steel
Yet with a noble cause
No other way
Sign of strength
Seeking for will
Might be a boubou of regrets
Might be a call for what the soul rejects
Taciturn or a screech
All that matters is what the soul rejects
Might be against humanity’s law
But please make it raw
Void of emotions or flaming as hell
It all matters if it’s going to be recoil
Or proceeding exploits.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Sometimes all it really requires Is a challenge, after proven worthy, breeds confidence to achieve that which the mind as conceived for a while. After a little manifestation of one’s dreams, there’s always going to be an inclination to success. Faith like food is also required; Strength and will must not retire…
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Chiori

Mon, 2017-10-23 11:42

Chiori's picture

nice poem, life is all about challenges, sometimes it is easy sometimes hard, but standing to it always give birth to success.

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

swamp-witch

Mon, 2017-10-23 21:13

swamp-witch's picture
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Lovely imagery in this poem. I had to look up the meaning of the title and also the boubou. Are your referring it the bird or the garment? I think either would be intriguing: "a bird regret" or a "garment of regret".

Your final comments helped me understand the poem better, which I appreciated. Keep writing.

Kelsey

Critique, don't comment.

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Torie

Wed, 2017-10-25 04:48

Torie's picture

Yeah I meant the garment, but however you like it. Thank you

author comment

Sparrow

Thu, 2017-10-26 04:43

Sparrow's picture
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A lovely piece of what I will say is a protest, the flowing local dress depicted and used as a line that made it flow is great.
One thing though, you are talking to a lot of us that being Westernised and from Europe have a problem matching your words to let things flow.
Spread your feelings and encompass some of their language to explain.
You have a strong way with words and I enjoyed this piece, I hope it is the start of many.
One thing on Neopoet there are quite a few of our poets from Nigeria it would be great if you could form a school out there linked on a face book as our Neopoet Face Book page then they could be linked all together one as a social channel the other as a learning place for all Nigerian poets.
Take care and will look for your future writes,
Yours Ian.T

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

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