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red wag on

Submitted by lovedly on Sat, 2017-10-07 14:04

All your poetry is
ULTRA
modern
mine will be like
garlanded ancient

so I will bask
in my last month's
Stan's BLOGS
HON MENTION
and
see progress of younger generation

youth and younger ones
must take over
and
release us to relay
in the red wagon's
as in olden times
oldies did also play
ere their progeny
did them finally lay
Just pray!

Enjoy Loved's mental
zig-saw play
Red wagon is likely to come
now any day!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Mon, 2017-10-09 19:01

Geezer's picture
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and really don't know if I get it. I see you basking in the glory of your Hon. Mention and saying that the youngsters get to take their turn now. Not sure if there is anything more in it. Sorry, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

lovedly

Mon, 2017-10-09 21:34

lovedly's picture

Since birth
I always get misunderstood
as I speak in riddles

I was toying with the idea
for the next month's contest
should I or shoudn't---- I

The reference to younger generation is purely incidental
meant to say

I now see younger ones at play
They have modern minds
ours only red mud clay
to now display

where will be our red wagon tomorrow
who can that say
Ian says compose one any way
use your mind bard

Which I will
and you will hold my mind still,
as in always
not
STILL..AS in a halt
Geezer
Hope my jugglery of words is clearer

Every night I dream
running after the ''NOV RED WAGON''
it's running faster than me
I am no marathoner
but that time will see
may be red wagon gets a broken wheel
OR jams it s brakes accidentally
And I will be on it!
Howz that for starters
GEEZER

author comment

Geezer

Sun, 2017-10-22 16:53

Geezer's picture
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your mind is almost never clear to me. Hopefully, I have been and will continue to be a good influence on you. You have a poets mind, yet you insist on muddying the waters with your riddles.
After you catch that red wagon, fix it up! Make sure that the wheels are greased, the steering straight and working brakes. You have some great ideas and I would love to see them without all the fanciful speech. Sometimes speaking plain is better than being mysterious. ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

lovedly

Sun, 2017-10-22 21:55

lovedly's picture

has to be 20 lines and marked as OCT Contest

you have again read the incorrect one

should I resend

it's marked Oct CONTEST

author comment

lovedly

Sun, 2017-10-22 21:59

lovedly's picture

a night with you in a beloved red wagon (OCTOBER CONTEST)
this one is final

a third half is in a blogFORM
which is very small
based on SINK THE TIT-ANICS
THE GUY DID IT WITH HIS INK
SMALL HENCE NOT IN CONTEXT
EMOULPUS SUGGESTED THAT ONE
BUT SAD
TOO MANY OF STAN'S LIMITATIONS ..

author comment
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