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In the spirit of autumn (September Contest)
The street ahead
A kaleidoscope of colors
Beautiful no doubt
Chill air seeped into his bones
Hands nearly frail
coming up to inhale once more
Then came epiphany
It was time for change
He let his ego shed like leaves in autumn
There is nothing like home
And home he returned to.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
We don't have autumn in Nigeria, so it took awhile to write this
Editing stage:
Contest:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
lovedly
Fri, 2017-09-22 13:17
why don't you
post it as contest
must do
its fun
Geezer
Fri, 2017-09-22 13:39
I thought that...
this must have been miss-posted and was supposed to be in the contest. Please do, as Lovedly asks and post it in the contest. I can appreciate the work and thought that went into this, as you have never seen a real Autumn. I wonder where your thoughts were going in the second stanza? What is the significance of the line: Coming up to inhale once more? And the word you are looking for is [seeped] not sipped. Work it over a little bit and post in the contest. You never know...
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
sewie smalls
Fri, 2017-09-22 17:47
An old man
Smoking
lovedly
Fri, 2017-09-22 15:38
As Geezer says you must
participation is a must
we all run marathons
only one wins
scribbler
Fri, 2017-09-22 17:34
Hi Sewie
I see you hit the contest tab when you posted this. I'd appreciate it if you'd also put (september contest) next to title so folks can easily see it Is a contest poem. And I can't imagine what it must be like to not have an autumn.......stan
sewie smalls
Fri, 2017-09-22 17:48
I have
Done that... Thanks
lovedly
Fri, 2017-09-22 17:51
Thats the spirit
participation
In all my life I have never won
yet still play on
outstanding in all games
as a lines man!
Seren
Sat, 2017-09-23 02:26
Wonderful poem I see nothing
Wonderful poem I see nothing I'd change good luck in the comp
Sincerely J :)
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
sewie smalls
Sat, 2017-09-23 16:13
Thanks
Thank you very much
lovedly
Tue, 2017-10-03 09:27
congrats ...you deserved it more than
congrats man
now u have a long way to go
sewie smalls
Fri, 2017-10-06 11:43
Thanks
I'm really grateful
lovedly
Fri, 2017-10-06 12:49
we all must participate
but the best must win
u did
my congrats still
weirdelf
Mon, 2017-10-09 22:40
Your poem was posted on our Neopoet Facebook page at
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1737302023208400/
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
sewie smalls
Tue, 2017-10-10 20:21
I can't thank
I can't thank you enough..thanks