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From A Dream

Submitted by alidzain on Mon, 2017-09-04 12:59

Bodies entwined,
passion burning
in the night,
love was sealed
in matrimony.

Two hearts clutching a dream,
hoping to bring
another life into the world
to complete their lives.

In a single moment,
the dream
became a million seeds,
released by fate,
striving to take form
to be the core of being,
nurtured in the womb.

Only one succeed,
the strongest among them,
destined to survive
to become me.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Fri, 2017-09-08 15:30

weirdelf's picture
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that's what what happened.
Not sure if it is poetry.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

alidzain

Sat, 2017-09-09 10:28

alidzain's picture

any suggestions for improvements?

Alid

author comment

scribbler

Fri, 2017-09-08 21:34

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Until the last line I thought you'd become a father lol. I'd have put at least one rhyme in the place you think contains the heart of this poem and maybe put a bit of alliteration in also. Other than that this has good "bones" and was enjoyed.....stan

alidzain

Sat, 2017-09-09 10:28

alidzain's picture

my mind is blank.

Alid

author comment
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