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Roswell Construction

Submitted by fink555 on Sun, 2017-09-03 23:43

In the desert
we wear tinfoil caps
As it grows warmer
The beads spill down our faces
bits of a rock salt rosary
Breaks are taken
when it rains
for sand dune novenas
We drink and pray to mosaics
made eyeless by white sand
sandblasted by lattice waves
Light congregates
on each man’s head
from one altitude to the next

above and below

endlessly

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Fri, 2017-09-08 15:39

weirdelf's picture
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I want to to believe!
Man, I dig your poetry which could have lead me into pages of discourse on this one,
which is about a good enough compliment,
ok?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

fink555

Tue, 2017-09-12 00:32

fink555's picture

It is a good enough compliment. Thank you Jess.

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