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That Girl Is On Fire

Submitted by T. Harmonee on Fri, 2017-08-18 14:35

Summer spits fire pellets as she walks down the cement
Hitting the ashy heels of every person passing by.
She slaps them across the cheek,
leaving a streaming hand printed along the jawline.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Eumolpus

Mon, 2017-08-21 00:20

Eumolpus's picture

very physical scene, very interesting personification of a quite angry summer, a sun punishing us, slapping us and leaving a mark on jawbones, each of us.
We'll see today if the moon can tame this girl tomorrow as she gets upstaged by a eclipse!

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

lovedly

Wed, 2017-08-23 14:24

lovedly's picture

match sticks
like the hot sun
they burn
and
petrichor only cools em
who!
men!

lovely fire
wish i could also
fulfill my desire

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