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so brief a sojourn

Submitted by lovedly on Mon, 2017-08-14 22:28

So brief a sojourn

This life is such a

brief a sojourn

One can't make resolutions for long
None know what's in store
at the next door or top floor
will you be welcome
heaven knows

will you venture, you need to compose
but what within the hour destiny may and does dispose
neither you nor I nor heaven knows
it's the secretest of life's dispose
I suppose

We all hanker day and night
so brief a sojourn
is this life
in terms of the time universes we travel
it's like a drop of water or a grain of sand
much less a sprinkling of ice
as it melts ere it lands

so brief a sojourn
You call life

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Sparrow

Thu, 2017-08-17 04:17

Sparrow's picture
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A very good theme from your pen just a few words repeated.
Just be careful that the title is not as the Poetry, make people want to see what is going on.
So brief a sojourn, tells them all and no need to read and it is repeated again is this a poetic form or just a reminder.
Otherwise a very good piece,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

lovedly

Thu, 2017-08-17 12:09

lovedly's picture

I had already composed it when someone said
it reminds them of a song
ROTTEN APPLES .
You can google it
The next one I post will be on those lines
'like this

Have you had your apples today
today
yes mom I have had two already
already
and so on

wait I shall observe what others comment
then newer wave theory cement
cement
thanks Friend
friend

author comment

scribbler

Thu, 2017-08-17 19:17

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In our youth we think our future know no limit then life flashes past and suddenly all around us have grown old and we check the mirror and to our shock we see we are in the same crowd lol. only suggestion is line 10 seems a bit convoluted.........stan

lovedly

Thu, 2017-08-17 22:36

lovedly's picture

but what within the hour destiny may and does dispose

but what within the hour
destiny may
and does dispose

author comment
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