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Juliet's window
But, Soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the mother all life gives who stirs awake
The face of all Earth's wondrous dear
Appears up by the window near
Hair blonde by Midas' touch;
Light leaving at Almighty's clutch
Eyes as rich in blue as the locker of the sea,
Merging all the colours of the world that is thee
Out of every window there's the same kind of view
For Capulet's all over,
Belong to this Montague.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
In case this piece seems completely pretencious and incomprehensible and I've just made a fool of myself - Romeo is a metaphor for mother earth and my poem was about a whimsical romance and a deeply rooted connection with the world. I wanted to incorporate Shakespeares Romeo and Juliet because I believe it to be the most passionate love story ever written and wanted to express my own understanding and passion for the outdoors
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2017-08-15 17:25
My only...
criticism is the gender-bender idea that Romeo should be a metaphor for Mother Earth. I grew up with the idea that only females are mothers and though I know I probably will get hung from the nearest poetical-political tree; I just find it odd. Otherwise, the poem went really well and I had no trouble understanding where it came from and where it was going. ~ Geezer.
.P.S. Welcome to Neopoet. I think you will find this a place of people willing to help, give advice and be just plain friendly.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Eumolpus
Wed, 2017-08-16 00:23
your poem
Hi beginner poet 123. You have a nice sense of words, pace, and images. These are the tools that will serve you well.
I think poetry should begin with you- your imagination, where you live and your place in time. Your poem is "prosiac" in an "academic" sense, but uses archaic words and characters (for example Midas).
Poetry may be different that the other arts which require a classical know how- such as music or art, you must learn the scales to be a musician and know to draw to start painting as was done since medieval times. But poetry I think should begin with the now, because it's language, philosophy, and an inner use of language. Don't start trying to write like Shakespeare. Read your contemporaries. Start writing like you FEEL, what the world makes you feel like now, with your own language. As you mature you should absolutely learn the masters, take poetry courses, read the sonnets, do translations. Poetry today is like art- so much different today than in centuries past, the whole definition is constantly being revised. Start with your heart, and LOVE WORDS. There are many voices here on this site as well to introduce you to the very diverse ways of poetry today. Welcome.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
jane210660
Wed, 2017-08-16 04:18
Very much as Geezer and Eumolpus have said
I think you obviously have a poetic soul.
I have two more observations which may help.
First, if you are going to quote from another piece, put it in inverted commas, to show it's not yours - no matter how famous the piece is.
Second, it's Juliette who stirs and her beauty is compared to that of nature. Your poem seems to be using Juliette as the metaphor for mother earth, not Romeo. My interpretation any way.
Welcome to Neopoet, hope you enjoy the site.
Jx
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