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Night Has Begun
The hammered silver moon
upon a night sky hung
fairy wings and midnight dreams
of cotton candy spun
Imagination wanders
to a land far beyond
and there we will meet
on distant plains where
pain and strife are none
Where cherished hopes
are all I've got
to give to you to hold
till the sun is spun
in pure gold
If I could make you whole again
it would be my greatest pleasure
for within every friend is found
the deepest of all treasure
Style / type:
Free verse
Last few words:
a couple of changes have been made
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Sun, 2017-08-13 14:14
hello!
when friendship is found it's something to be treasured. Enjoyed the poem.......stan
Dennis the Menace
Sun, 2017-08-13 15:05
Greetings from Scotland
Nice little poem - interesting message - all good for me.
Best regards, Dennis
China Blue
Mon, 2017-08-14 07:32
dennis
thank you for your input
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
Scatterhatter
Sun, 2017-08-13 18:18
This is sweet. Sounds like a
This is sweet. Sounds like a good friendship to me.
I especially like the 'imagination wanders' stanza...
And 'the hammered moon....'.
And I like your rhyming too!
China Blue
Mon, 2017-08-14 07:33
scatterhatter
thank you for reading it is greatly appreciated
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
vandiemenspeak
Sun, 2017-08-13 19:18
Hi China..I just read
Your read of my River/Snake/moon and now find this hammered moon this morning! It's got some lovely sentiments and phrasing, I liked:
Where cherished hopes
are all I've got
to give to you to hold
As I am (along with Jess) offering to do a read of all poems, to give authors some other sound perspective, outside their own voice, would be happy to to a recording for you..let me know..
Cheers.
Chris.
Chris Hall - Tasmania
Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.
China Blue
Mon, 2017-08-14 07:36
thank you
for taking the time to read my work
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
Eumolpus
Sun, 2017-08-13 22:42
your poem
I do like your poem because it uses images and words nicely, creating a mood, a landscape of imagination.
A few comments. Non is only a prefix, not a word, and therefore seems forced to rhyme with beyond.
The word is hung is used twice and I think looses the novelty of the image. The "sun is hung IN pure gold" I do not think has a logic, as does a "hammered silver moon upon a night sky hung."
We are introduced to the subject in your poem not being "whole" and your wish to make that person whole AGAIN by offering your hopes and dreams. The reader in me wants to know more- why is this friend not now whole? Lost love, illness, some other trauma?
The excellent conclusion adds a smile, confirming that offering your dreams to a friend is what makes true friendship special, and I think it is nicely and simply stated.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
China Blue
Mon, 2017-08-14 07:50
Thank you
for reading I will look into your suggestions
just bit about me when I write I do not give everything away. this way it leaves the reader thinking as you proved my point lol but it was written for a friend that had just gone through a nasty divorce
thanks again
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
fink555
Wed, 2017-08-30 23:57
Easy to understand
Since you name everything what you intended to write. "Imagination", for instance, makes the poem sorta...like you're writing in a diary? Ease does not appease to me, at least, though I guess we all need a break and fanciful stuff every now and then.