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Night Has Begun

The hammered silver moon
upon a night sky hung
fairy wings and midnight dreams
of cotton candy spun

Imagination wanders
to a land far beyond
and there we will meet
on distant plains where
pain and strife are none

Where cherished hopes
are all I've got
to give to you to hold
till the sun is spun
in pure gold

If I could make you whole again
it would be my greatest pleasure
for within every friend is found
the deepest of all treasure

Style / type: 
Free verse
Last few words: 
a couple of changes have been made
Editing stage: 

Comments

when friendship is found it's something to be treasured. Enjoyed the poem.......stan

Nice little poem - interesting message - all good for me.

Best regards, Dennis

thank you for your input

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

This is sweet. Sounds like a good friendship to me.
I especially like the 'imagination wanders' stanza...
And 'the hammered moon....'.
And I like your rhyming too!

thank you for reading it is greatly appreciated

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

Your read of my River/Snake/moon and now find this hammered moon this morning! It's got some lovely sentiments and phrasing, I liked:

Where cherished hopes
are all I've got
to give to you to hold

As I am (along with Jess) offering to do a read of all poems, to give authors some other sound perspective, outside their own voice, would be happy to to a recording for you..let me know..

Cheers.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

for taking the time to read my work

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

I do like your poem because it uses images and words nicely, creating a mood, a landscape of imagination.
A few comments. Non is only a prefix, not a word, and therefore seems forced to rhyme with beyond.
The word is hung is used twice and I think looses the novelty of the image. The "sun is hung IN pure gold" I do not think has a logic, as does a "hammered silver moon upon a night sky hung."

We are introduced to the subject in your poem not being "whole" and your wish to make that person whole AGAIN by offering your hopes and dreams. The reader in me wants to know more- why is this friend not now whole? Lost love, illness, some other trauma?

The excellent conclusion adds a smile, confirming that offering your dreams to a friend is what makes true friendship special, and I think it is nicely and simply stated.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

for reading I will look into your suggestions
just bit about me when I write I do not give everything away. this way it leaves the reader thinking as you proved my point lol but it was written for a friend that had just gone through a nasty divorce

thanks again

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

Since you name everything what you intended to write. "Imagination", for instance, makes the poem sorta...like you're writing in a diary? Ease does not appease to me, at least, though I guess we all need a break and fanciful stuff every now and then.

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