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Memories

Submitted by top.ksgnr on Wed, 2017-08-02 04:15

Those nights, sometimes you just have those nights.
Those nights that tear everything that you believe in is apart.
The nights where you just want to grab a .22 and blast your head.
When all you can think about is how much you hate yourself.

The nights where everyone is ignoring you.
The nights that all you can’t think that nobody loves you.
The nights where you forget that you have a kid, and nothing else matters.
When you feel that no one cares about your life, and in reality, neither do you.

What can you do?

You can look forward in time, and realize that you would miss your kid’s teenage years.
You can realize that you haven’t gone to all those concerts that you want to experience.
You can remind yourself that there might not be an afterlife, and you’re taking away everything that you have.

you can call me, at any time to remind you that I love you.

Last few words:

I wrote this for a very special person. hope you guys enjoy.

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Comments

Geezer

Wed, 2017-08-02 15:25

I was relieved...

to see the end of this poem. Ordinarily I would say that maybe you should melt the long lines down, but in this case, I think that it might not be the best thing. There is one line that troubles me; The second line in the second quatrain. Just seems like it's double negative, maybe you should take a look at it. You told the story and it made me feel. ~ Geezer.

P.S. Almost forgot to welcome you to Neo. I hope you find it the rewarding experience that I have.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

top.ksgnr

Wed, 2017-08-02 15:35

thank you very much for

thank you very much for taking the time to read it! this is something for a friend. im glad you bought that though because that is a metaphor to him: it says that even though your mind is telling you all these things, you must understand that they're not real, like how I said in the last line, I love you.

author comment

Barbara Writes

Wed, 2017-08-02 17:35

Hi

Lovely poem to a crushed friend. Well written

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

weirdelf

Wed, 2017-08-09 12:08

Makes me think of Kimya Dawson's

"Loose Lips"
Loose lips might sink ships but loose kisses take trips
To San Francisco, double dutch disco,
Tech TV hottie, do it for Scotty
Do it for the living and do it for the dead
Do it for the monsters under your bed
Do it for the teenagers and do it for your mom
Broken hearts hurt but they make us strong and

We won't stop until somebody calls the cops
And even then we'll start again and just pretend that
Nothing ever happened

We're just dancing, we're just hugging,
Singing, screaming, kissing, tugging
On the sleeve of how it used to be
How's it gonna be?
I'll drop kick russell stover, move into the starting over house
And know matt rouse and jest are watching me achieve my dreams

And we'll pray, all damn day, every day,
That all this shit our president has got us in will go away
While we strive to figure out a way we can survive
These trying times without losing our minds

So if you wanna burn yourself remember that I LOVE YOU
And if you wanna cut yourself remember that I LOVE YOU
And if you wanna kill yourself remember that I LOVE YOU
Call me up before you're dead, we can make some plans instead
Send me an IM, I'll be your friend

Shysters live from scheme to scheme but my 4th quarter pipe dreams
Are seeming more and more worth fighting for
So I'll curate some situations, make my job a big vacation
And I'll say FUCK BUSH AND FUCK THIS WAR
My war paint is sharpie ink and I'll show you how much my shit stinks
And ask you what you think because your thoughts and words are powerful
They think we're disposable, well both my thumbs opposable
Are spelled out on a double word and triple letter score

And we won't stop until somebody calls the cops
And even then we'll start again and just pretend that
Nothing ever happened

We won't stop until somebody calls the cops
And even then we'll start again and just pretend that
Nothing ever happened

We're just dancing, we're just hugging,
Singing, screaming, kissing, tugging
On the sleeve of how it used to be

These are song lyrics, that are not expected to be as deep as poetry, but see how deep they are?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

top.ksgnr

Thu, 2017-08-10 00:55

incredible song!

thank you so much! great song lyrics, ill totally check it out!

author comment

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Memories