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Memories afloat

Submitted by Scatterhatter on Sat, 2017-06-24 06:24

Moss grows in damp dark
Split tree leaves
Reveal a long lost scent
Of what I've learnt was Sassafras

Glorious
The water flows
Floating memories away
Bubbling down the brook
Cascades

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Sassafras is a sweet smelling spring flowering tree from Southern Australia.... Very clunky words I know...
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

wesley snow

Sat, 2017-06-24 08:47

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All this poem needs is a little punctuation to clarify a separation in thoughts.
My PM mentioned Stan's workshop on Imagery in Poetry. I hope you will consider it. Your poem is full of the sort of imagery the shop will be talking about.

No word is "clunky" if it enhances the poem. Your description of Sassafras is the poem.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Scatterhatter

Sat, 2017-06-24 08:57

Thanks Mr Snow
I ll check out the workshop in imagery.....
Thanks!

author comment

Candlewitch

Sat, 2017-06-24 11:56

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and welcome to Neopoet!

I much enjoyed your poem, such lovely imagery!! I hope to read more of your work soon.

always, Cat

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Scatterhatter

Sat, 2017-06-24 17:27

Thanks Cat!
Its such a great site. I've never done anything like this before. People here on neopoet are grand!

author comment

weirdelf

Wed, 2017-08-09 10:20

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Listen.
https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/memories-afloat-by-scatterhatter
Nothing clunky about it.
Are you an Aussie? Please fill out your profile a bit more so we can get to know you better.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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