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Memories afloat
Moss grows in damp dark
Split tree leaves
Reveal a long lost scent
Of what I've learnt was Sassafras
Glorious
The water flows
Floating memories away
Bubbling down the brook
Cascades
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Sassafras is a sweet smelling spring flowering tree from Southern Australia....
Very clunky words I know...
Editing stage:
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Comments
wesley snow
Sat, 2017-06-24 08:47
Not "clunky" at all.
All this poem needs is a little punctuation to clarify a separation in thoughts.
My PM mentioned Stan's workshop on Imagery in Poetry. I hope you will consider it. Your poem is full of the sort of imagery the shop will be talking about.
No word is "clunky" if it enhances the poem. Your description of Sassafras is the poem.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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Scatterhatter
Sat, 2017-06-24 08:57
Thanks Mr Snow
Thanks Mr Snow
I ll check out the workshop in imagery.....
Thanks!
Candlewitch
Sat, 2017-06-24 11:56
hello...
and welcome to Neopoet!
I much enjoyed your poem, such lovely imagery!! I hope to read more of your work soon.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Scatterhatter
Sat, 2017-06-24 17:27
Thanks Cat!
Thanks Cat!
Its such a great site. I've never done anything like this before. People here on neopoet are grand!
weirdelf
Wed, 2017-08-09 10:20
Clunky?
Listen.
https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/memories-afloat-by-scatterhatter
Nothing clunky about it.
Are you an Aussie? Please fill out your profile a bit more so we can get to know you better.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
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