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change a few words change its imagery

Submitted by lovedly on Thu, 2017-07-13 14:52

The morning shapes
When we awake
but we don't want to
wake...

the sun's rays show
the dust the grit
as it enters
through old torn curtains
slits

last nights visionary
position missionary
and act as a warning
want to miss
the bus

she is waiting
idling twiddling
her thumbs
o when will you come

be a sweet butter
fly
if you will
take all my pollen
and
spread it
if you will
then upon my soil
you may till

till like the the flame
the butterfly does kill
me you will...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

scribbler

Thu, 2017-07-13 16:35

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Like a lot of your poems I enjoyed reading this but can't put my finger on Why lol...........stan

lovedly

Thu, 2017-07-13 21:24

lovedly's picture

I saw my fan list and observed all have left NEO
and the ones who still read me
you ian jess janes two etc i am not on their/your fan's list

This poem was a reply to a lazy man's poetry
like me he louses
and
then while waiting in my car near a bus stop...a parking lot
I saw a gal desperately waiting alone
dancing no bus came for a long time
I watched her ...she could not see m
that's why some of my poetry is a mystery
two in one admixturish
and
glad the ones you read ..you like em
thanks stan I must bow
you alone r my poetic fan/okay MAN!
How is ma'am Susan!
regards to her

author comment

scribbler

Thu, 2017-07-13 22:21

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not to worry. I don't know how to put people on fan list so your not being there is no slight to you. Perhaps I once knew how but have since forgotten because I don't really see the point. And i agree about the members who have drifted away over the years. Sometime I edit something old and the only comments are from those apparently gone now........stan PS Susan is doing as well as anybody who is married to me can be lol

lovedly

Fri, 2017-07-14 01:25

lovedly's picture

when any profile u see it is mentioned there
follow the guy etc u see pl

My mercies for Susan
LOL lololol me too
says mine
lol

all in the same sunk TITANIC I c
u 2

author comment

Scatterhatter

Thu, 2017-07-13 20:46

butter that
fly
watch it sigh
into your garden
of
undone

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