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Sonnet (my earliest poem)

Submitted by Eumolpus on Sat, 2017-06-24 15:23

I knew silence after the thunder
like a hatchet damned these hills,
yet you felt a promise under
this muteness, gracefully still.
The winds had been dispersed
and my blood was an asylum
for the rain which burst
unapproachable to you, separate from
your own separate blood. What need
was left hid in some hardened shell-
a thin whisper which could feed
on wanting, on the rain that fell.

That promise you held soft on your lips
believed the rainbow a lover's eclipse.

Last few words: 
I first year at college, a writing course. I thought I wanted to be novelist, but had not yet considered poetry. We had to write a sonnet. The professor gave me an A-. I think perhaps very generously. I think I must have known at the time what i was trying to say, but I have no idea what this poem means anymore. (I think certain lines "mean", but the poem does not "mean".) I do not think it is a successful poem, because if I can't understand it, why should anyone else? But, if you care to help me, I would be very happy to see your take on what that confused 18 year old hippy lover boy was thinking!
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

scribbler

Sun, 2017-06-25 23:47

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Your first poem was a sonnet??? lol. Heck I can't even pull sonnets off now so I dang sure envy your doing one on first shot........stan

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