Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Pure Imagination
Pure Imagination
Sitting at the computer
tipping my fingers
on the key board
not so silent as before
my spouse hears me from miles
and
knows I am still ticking alive...
like a
Time bomb
What will happen
when she is in the kitchen
prepare a soft night's meal for me
and
my ticking and tapping fails
my heart derails
will she know
whatever happened
in those few moments
I flew away....
No one will...
when and how
it all suddenly
happened
'tis the unknowns
Will
and
she will ask her kids
where's
the
WILL
THE ULTIMATE!
Will I know it still!
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME
Favorite Poets
All across the Internet whom I read, and they inspire..
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
lovedly
Mon, 2017-05-22 10:43
a bit of editing needed
i know needs minor edit
can you find it
author commentvandiemenspeak
Tue, 2017-05-23 09:08
Lovely images, and emotional transference here..
This is my favourite poem of yours so far Lovedly..
It has some touching , simple moments, where you let the language relax into the transmission of emotion,
like:
knows I am still ticking alive...
like a
Time bomb
Gives a sense of building emotion, nice language use
I thought that this would have been the perfect ending point:
will she know
whatever happened
in those few moments
I flew away....
It just seems that way to me, an evocation of thought, - with beautiful language.
Just my suggestion, really nice piece.
Take care,
Chris.
Chris Hall - Tasmania
Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.
lovedly
Tue, 2017-05-23 09:52
This is my favourite poem of yours so far Lovedly..
so kind of you VS
for spicing up my emotional piece
as I play about at the laps
not hers
but atop
till late after midnite
as she sleeps
and
in another room not far from me
In an AC
I like fresh air mostly
in closed quarters
I feel de-breathed
author commentCandlewitch
Tue, 2017-05-23 11:09
dear lovedly,
to me this sounded like a wistful piece (I like to read out loud, to derive maximum enjoyments pleasure) I see loneliness and isolation. the two main characters separated by the distance of their likes/dislikes and hopes/desires. I very much liked it as I could relate to it because of my relationship with my oldest sister. when she phones me, she tells me all her troubles. and never asks about mine. either she assumes I have none or else she doesn't care :(
excellent poem!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lovedly
Tue, 2017-05-23 12:16
to me this sounded like a wistful piece
Dear Lady Cat
Am I still dreaming
that you are stealthily stepping
across the brocade of my poetry
and
find it lovely
read worthy loudly
Cat do pinch me
I will feel happy
you walked my way today
aaaaafter agesssss
had you warned me
I woul d have laid a red carpet
O I can't believe it
you read me
after a long gaaaaaaaaaaap
twoday
author comment