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Dreaming Of A Beautiful Night

Submitted by Stella De Great on Thu, 2017-05-18 09:06

Am dreaming of a beautiful night
A night devoted for just you and me
A night when you will hold me tight and Kiss my lips
Am dreaming of an erotic night, a night you will romance me like crazy
Making me feel like I am created just for you and you for me
Am dreaming of a beautiful evening
When I and you will take a walk on the street of snow
Am dreaming of a beautiful night
When I will find myself fall asleep just to get awakening by a sweet kiss
Only From you
Am I really dreaming because I have already seen it all through my imagination so help me God?
Author
Stella De Great

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Direction): 
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Comments

Eumolpus

Thu, 2017-05-18 12:57

Eumolpus's picture

Great name!
Your poem to me feels like a lyric for a song, with sensual music and voice. It is comparable to many fine song lyrics out there....
For a poem, I would only like to suggest you include more sexual imagery, erotic metaphors, using more he magic of words to describe this beautiful night of physical love shared. A poem also needs its own music, using the tools of the craft (alliteration, meter, etc). The more poetry you read, the more you will absorb the art, and I'm sure will make compelling works!
The line "when I will find myself fall asleep" needs grammatical correction.
Thanks for sharing,

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

weirdelf

Fri, 2017-05-19 06:33

weirdelf's picture
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Especially with regards to using the tools of poetry and reading lots of great poetry.

One thing that struck me about this is the use of the word 'beautiful'. A great deal of poetry deals with beauty, a lot of the art and craft is about evoking beauty without using the word.

There are several grammatical errors or unusual usages that make me wonder if English is not your first language. Would you like feedback on that?

cheers,
Jess
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