Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

ECLIPSE OF THE SELF

Submitted by Eumolpus on Sun, 2017-03-19 18:25

I am contended with myself and my truth
It is the judge and jury of my passing
With whom I discuss all matters
I tell my seemingly endless story
With my constant digressions
But my truth has heard it all
And answers my questions before I ask

No matter what my mood
My truth is sympathetic to my cause
Perpetually in rehearsals of listening
My truth knows how to coach
And swears in this world of dog eat dog
I win deservedly and lose by being cheated
By the referees and blind umpires

My truth avows the many languages
Of music and of sculptured busts
That fill the museum corridors
My truth is cozy with philosophers
And greets them on a first name basis
And declares itself as itself
To answer the usual know thyself

But in the company of others
It has an incurable stage fright
So whatever I mumble in the arena
It is shyly hiding in the corner
Adopting the script as fast as it can
Afraid of pain and discovery
Afraid of being held accountable
That it is secretly illiterate
And is but half alive

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Three things cannot be long hidden The sun the moon and the truth (from a fortune cookie)
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Mon, 2017-03-20 10:01

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

the whole thing, I was sure that you had not made a mistake when you [I thought] misspelled the word contented! I see now that it was intended, [it was, wasn't it?]. Very philosophical and introspective. How about using [worried about] being held accountable? Your title is good, language use is good and though it was a little wordy, it made for the philosophical air about it. Nice job. ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Eumolpus

Mon, 2017-03-20 11:30

Eumolpus's picture

Yes, I will join the club.

I never used the word conteded before in a poem, I did use it after it seemed to fit. Here's the dictionary

verb (used without object)
1.
to struggle in opposition:
to contend with the enemy for control of the port.
2.
to strive in rivalry; compete; vie:
to contend for first prize.
3.
to strive in debate; dispute earnestly:
to contend against falsehood.
verb (used with object)
4.
to assert or maintain earnestly:
He contended that taxes were too high

I think that was the intent, to use the that word to set up the dynamic of the poem, but i will live with it for a while and see how it feels when I'm less emotionally involved with the poem. I did change one word...originally I had "Writing the script..." but now realize that if "my truth" is illiterate it cannot write, so changed to "Adopting the script...".
It is most unusual for me to post a poem so soon after writing it, but I had been struggling with this theme for several days and when it finally came together I was excited by it and just went for it. Let's see how I feel about it in a week, or a year.
As I read it today, it shows a strong subconscious influence from Mary Oliver and Delmore Schwartz. Some of my poems play with philosophical paradoxes, that's what I think i bring to the party.
Thanks for your comment!

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

author comment

Eumolpus

Mon, 2017-03-20 16:32

Eumolpus's picture

Thanks!

"Know thy lies." That's very memorable!

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

author comment

Sparrow

Mon, 2017-03-20 20:32

Sparrow's picture
Volunteer badge

That a name is taken from an age where things were no stranger than present days seems o be as a bird Hide.
There you can see things without disturbing the flow of the day to day things.
Ah! I see a problem in doing that, you end up saying you are hiding from the world.
There, you have to now look inward to see where the starting point is.
What are you hiding from except your own self, just check your pace have a think then go out and make waves.
You can talk to as many as you wish, but those talks are out going and not being absorbed.
Your next piece I want to see you fly free.
Yours, Ian.T

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Eumolpus

Sat, 2017-05-20 00:14

Eumolpus's picture

It takes a lot of thought and time to write a response such as your, and is much appreciated.
First I would like to offer you to see this post about CAPS vs no caps.
http://www.public.asu.edu/~aarios/resourcebank/capitalizing/
There's quite a lot of debate, I think this post captured why I'm on the CAPS team. That said, I have absolutely no prejudice for those who don't.
This was I think the last poem I wrote without punctuation. For a while I liked that style, but I think it was out Mr. Snow who stated something like "punctuation is a major tool of the craft, don't deny it's uses"...I thought about it. I agree. I have since taken the poem and added punctuation. I think it makes it better.
I'm glad you liked the title, I struggled with it.

I'm switching back and forth with rhyme right now. I've taken to writing sonnets to tone the skill,
but I just don't know at a first new idea for a poem which it will be.
My poem echoed a work by Delmore Schwartz "The Heavy Bear who Goes With Me", a poem often found in anthologies of American poets, especially from the 60's. This should be easy to find on PoemHunter or other, but if you like I can forward it to you. He was a great poet I hope you will enjoy, if you are not familiar.
Again I much appreciate for your comments!

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.