Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Bedtime Story

The script unfolds
in the eyes
while lips read,
between the lines
of finger trails
treading over goosebumps
like braille

The script unfolds
page after page
eyes livid
in an ecstatic gaze
nerves tingling
in anticipation
of the climax

Lips part
eyes close
muscles tense
in sensuous yearning
as your nail scrapes
the final script
"Hurry, I can't wait"

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Whether this is meant sensually or not, the innuendo is certainly there! It reminds me of libertine poetry of the 17th century, such as Aphra Behn's "The Disappointment", except in this poem, it's not that the "climax" never happens like in Behn's poem, it just hasn't happened yet.

I like the way you've intertwined the words of the script with the body. I would love to see you play with this idea more, expand it. There are studies that say repetitive activities like reading and knitting and even video games release serotonin in the body to relax and release stress. It is akin to something like ASMR. So it might be cool to play with that idea: the words and scientific concepts for these bodily signals joining the body's internal reactions that cause the goosebumps, or something along those lines.

Kelsey

Critique, don't comment.

Community guidelines: https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

To see our learning resources, click the "Curated Resources" link under the Resources tab in the top menu bar.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.