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Rolwright
Roll Roll Roll this flow gently down a beat Merrily merrily merrily merrily Life ain't what it seems
Had a dream last night not as great as Martin Luther's The Love of my life was correcting Karma Sutra
While I was making this rhymes I was on the inside of my love stroking at a double time
Shes's the best I'm like stereo record I'll confess I'm the best at what I do I've been blessed
To write poetry Blessed to write this story Blessed to display lyrics
Everybody better notice me Moore better Cruz Yeah you know who I'm better then
Mutha fucka it's time for your medicine Smigel looking mutha fucka you can have your precious
My style hostile I'm dating the ebony beauty of the week Compared to what
Thats right bitch ass ness Don't speak I know just what your saying you aint saying nothing
Editing stage:
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Comments
swamp-witch
Tue, 2017-03-14 23:08
Hey Numero Negative Zilch (awesome name, by the way),
Interesting pastiche! I can definitely hear this performed as spoken-word or rap. I am really interested when things like nursery rhymes or other things deemed innocent and child-like are transformed into adult things. Rappers do this a lot by sampling movies and other things, it seems. What immediately comes to mind (lame I know) is Lil Wayne's song "I feel like dying" which has the voice of a young girl added in and makes a lot of references to things like playing and exploring. His song "6 Foot 7 Foot" does the same thing by sampling the Banana Boat Song from Harry Belafonte.
Something about altering this childhood and more innocent stuff for more adult themes or adult language is interesting to me because it forever changes how we feel about or remember that original version from our childhood. It reminds us that we grew up, whether we like it or not. I also always love literary references in songs, like your LOTR reference.
Good work overall. If you don't mind suggestions, I'd say break the lines up so that it's not such a big block of text (easier to read and more in-line with how song lyrics are written). I would also say the line "Everybody better notice me Moore better Cruz Yeah you know who I'm better then" could use a little attention. I'm not sure if it's using a play on words or if it's typos, or name-drops that I don't recognize, or what, but I don't really understand this line after "notice me".
Take care,
Kelsey
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