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What A Fool, The Wind!
A wind that night had brought a friend
And with him he had fluttered by
A sheet of white a crystal snow
And dropped it all beneath the sky
By shield of night is how he came
And dropped each flurry flake by flake
Who dared not make a rustle sound
For fear the village would awake
But wind was blind to what i knew
That while he worked his stealthy thing
That was awake and watching, too
And by daybreak told them everything
I bet he wondered how it was
That all the men had known his ties
To all the snow was midnight dropped
Below the sparkled, deep black skies
And sure! i like the wind 'till now
(He'd help me run my way to school)
But thought his slyness was so young
And thought him since as just a fool...
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Eumolpus
Tue, 2017-01-24 23:38
my take
The language and rhythm of the poem show a maturity the craft. I enjoyed the set up of the poem, the first and second stanzas create a very visual scene. The music of the second stanza is wonderful, (rustle sound!) and real feeling you get that the wind was trying to sneak in the snow by cover of night.Great mood. Then I lost the flow of the image; why is the wind a fool? Is it because it thought it could pull one over on us unnoticed? The idea that the wind accompanied you on your way to school is certainly something I remember, a core memory, and a loving one. But I don't feel that connection to finalize the poem. I love the theme of the wind- the west wind, the october wind., or gone with the wind...The idea of wind "as a fool " has a lot of potential.. but I need a little more to call the wind a fool in this setting. (also, just a small thing for me personally, I don't prefer a lower case "i" as the only play on normal grammar)
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
Basya
Wed, 2017-01-25 20:37
Thank you for reading and
Thank you for reading and commenting! Yes, the idea of the wind as a fool is proven to me by it's desire to bring the snow at night... And then disappear... nothing personal against the wind, though;)... Thanks for bringing the lowercase "i" to my attention, a simple blunder, i say;)
Thanks again!
author commentEsker
Thu, 2017-01-26 23:09
old school classic poem homie
be like the bing bong..push button
instant connection
bzzz
'Yo..who be dat'
'it sleeps among a thousand hills
where no man every trod
...' poem i memorized in school
and old tale from fairy tale books as
kid...the metaphor argument between
the sun and wind.who could make
the mortal take off his jacket..
maybe why I love jackets...
I bet....
wind loses...
but I seen on news...vids....images..
wreckage of wind...
wind as a fool...
pretty tough jokester....
put up my kites...made the whirlygig
talk..put up some nice waves
but..potential for more...
but....yah..
joker..
interesting...
thank U ..I like the old school
way with this...
which back in its day when
the icbms were in place
and the home bunkers
were still smelling of fresh
paint instead of rot
and neglect now...
the kind of poetry
was stand up
edge...
thank U!
Wolf..
DiPrima
Wed, 2017-02-08 23:28
I likeit
The rhythm, the pacing, the visual imagery and clever rhyming. What's not to like? Well done