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Hello Darkness My Old Enemy

Submitted by chevyvent on Sun, 2016-12-11 08:53

Hello Darkness My Old Enemy
Take some time to collect your thoughts inside
The playing field is rough yet we have nothing to hide
Shallow promises made in the dark have come to light
With regard to mental illness we all struggle with the issue
Perhaps we haven't bitten far off then we could chew
A picture says a thousand words as if you haven't heard
The sign post up ahead read stop yet we kept going
It's not based in the know but in the doing that matters
We celebrate in little places based upon a silent hill
For some it's cheap thrills in the back of their car
A flood of tears pierce the skin where to begin again
The challenge to be set free is only a question of time
Hello darkness my old enemy go to hell where you belong
Some ay whisper your name in a song but it won't be long
Having long hanging fangs that bite in the night to fright
A black crow looks intently in garbage cans for some bread
Your face full of dread it's the walking dead among us feeling sick
When Satan is knocking at your hearts door have Jesus open the other side
We build fences to honor our material treasures yet soon will discover
The fight to heaven's shore depends on a heart that's true & pure
It's the battle that we uphold no you will do as you are told
To bask in the vast array of a rainbow hidden in the dark

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Sun, 2016-12-11 10:25

Geezer's picture
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flitting thoughts that define a somber mood. I think that you intended the sixth line to read as follows:
"Perhaps we haven't bitten off, far more than we can chew." I am a lover of rhyme and during the first few lines, thought that you were going to rhyme all the way through, but it is ok that you didn't, because it gives some texture to the body of the work. Keep writing and you will find your voice. ~ Geezer.
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