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disorder to order

if
within this fleeting breath
of falling dreams
I could reverse
the arrow of time

I would watch the wind
build a sandcastle

while waiting for you
.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

and gritty cheer

the title struck out too me..manchester band JOYDIVISION
our group of four loved this
tinkered with cars dreamt of women
more then chasing them
(eventually finding intense dramatic
happy crazy torture with the women)

happiest near the water
me also
and the most sadness

the breakup
losing my kid too the
other side.family included
for years finally drove me
into the blink of where I live
now in my head most
(I see her now and then
but the hardship of that
rend will never clear the
wrecks...some things cannot
be repaired)

your work is always intense
I can sense its width
and density
and depth

Thank U!

brilliant lines
wind built sandcastles
while waiting for U

awesome!!

Fantastic, I've found another Joy Division devotee...? See where Jude's poetry can lead a person..;)

Ever check out control? Closest depiction of the claustrophobic Manchester around the Factory of post-punk manchester. Ian Curtis, writing lyrics that were waaay ahead of his time:

http://putlocker.is/watch-control-online-free-putlocker.html

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

my chum befriended him...then he met I...
I had heard Siouxie and the Banshees on Brave New Waves
all the top punk were broadcast on canadian broadcast system
indie music...Johns dad was scottish canadian...fought in the
world war two...brought all sorts of things home...battle phones..
a life vest from american fighter pilot...very strict man...hard working
his mother...His father met at the end of the war...she was wealthy
german..they had a chateau...maids ..butlers..got hit by bombs
she saves some linens with family crest...but wiped out...she was
war bride..John born what sixty four or five...me born sixty four.
our other friend of north italian and german descent ...his mothers
father was a big opera manager..coach of the thirties..big ...big..
they fled..considered bohemians..very wealthy.. me ..hard working
family with connects though via mother..and dads...dad..
italians...But us kids....met up in 84...and John had all these mixed
tapes...at that point we listened to Floyd...REM..I was Peter Gabriel
and OMD..Jethro tull and lynard skynard by then..most sixties
and fifties from my parents....the crooners and black entertainers..
my parents hung out in the clubs bars in hamilton of the fifties....
mother was originaly from toronto but her father a train engineer
for cpr running the toronto to montreal runs had a slight gambling
problem...my fathers father worked for the italians in the twenties
or earlier as a young man driving a team of horses..bricks for
the bricklayers....what a time to be young then...
back to us kids...because that was our parentage....
John loved Joy Division! Love will tear us Apart..was on his
tape mix...he drove his moms pontiac lemans..1975...black with
white interior...small block he souped up...cragar rims..
side pipers..headers and a kick ass stereo system inside..
he parked it on the front lawn of the school...and affable
guy who chummed with our principals kids his age they
let him....I was driving my dads big north american cars
..we all wore leather jackets...those long ones of the
seventies....a bunch of freaks... but our music was
pure eighties...I only just looked it all up when Internet
came on since 2005...but Ive been around computer
systems and gaming systems since 1994,,,,but in
2007 all the old music started showing up.....now its
just covers and almost everything..

I loved the movie version of Kontrol! excellent
the budapest movie is great also...not music
but a great movie of the same name..I know
a fellow from the soviet side here...

I know a lot of the intellectual and wealth
society and I always have just only about
ten dollars too my name....maybe Im the
truest bohemian...

manchester united.....manchester..
wow...like americas rochester..
I will be forever greatful too all
my friends and girlfriends for
music input...David Bowie from beth
Bryan ferry with eno...from carolee
the other girl cant remember
but we lived On the road....
adventures...man Ive had em!
I lived....and still do...

I now know judy loves nirvana
I got kurts kid on twitter
like my daughter she had
crazy parents and is artistic
when he was on much my
chloe and I would dance
about the living room with
Smells like teen spirit
blasting..the I owned
a nineteen fifties bungalow
and four income properties
with a partner who ran
a limo business too the
big city airport five
hundred miles away
he was an independent
long haul trucker whose
mack and trailer often
parked along my properties
for a week....small town
no one said anything
my twenty three year
old beautiful daughter
is a poet..writer and
artist extra ordinairre
too who knows all
my chums...
bohemian rhapsody
...
they were ahead
of their times
and only years
later when I
dug up the old
music I remembered
from my past
in late two thousands
did I come to realize
how valueble and
cool we were...

still in touch with all
and making new
chums like yourself

thank U
Mr Esker!

Thank you for the read and very kind comments
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Actually reminded me of the last verse in Larkin's "the Whitsun Weddings"

A sense of falling, like an arrow-shower
Sent out of sight, somewhere becoming rain.

I could suggest breaking in to two parts, but then it's such a singular and succinct piece, i don't know if that's necessary.

Lovely stuff Jude.

Further reading (I'ts well worth it)
http://www.poetryarchive.org/poem/whitsun-weddings

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

Appreciate your visit and kind comments
i will dfinitely check out that link
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

There is a story by Asimov called "The Last Question" that covers billions of years, always asking the same question "how to reverse entropy". You answered it in 27 words instead of several thousand. I won't give a spoiler but it is a superb story.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Lol - I don't think I solved the problem of entropy
just said what I'd do if I could

I will look up the book you mention -- sounds interesting....
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Short, succinct, haunting, beautiful. Love it.Jxx

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Thank you for the supportive comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

The patience of waiting, especially for the one we love at times can be agonizing.
I feel the pain sitter!
The clarity of feeling in this short ditty is marvelous.
You have encompassed so much in short phrases.
Bravo!!

Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

for the visit and the very supportive words
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Are you there?

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
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Lol -- yes I'm here ??
great to see you back
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

this is a powerful poem to me. How should I say it .. It has "umph" factor. lol.

Alid

for the read and very supportive comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

you will also send the wind in opposite direction
and shall build townships in sand
what castles you talk of only
you will have a wand in your hand
no frills like Loved's
so no need of a hammer
to clear all waffle
have you found some
here!

I was just going through some works with thought of editing, when I found this comment of yours .... so sorry for the tardy thank you for the visit :)
As for waffle - lol - you have greatly improved on that score
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
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