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Christmas with You.

Submitted by Timbo on Mon, 2016-11-14 09:48

Christmas is always special
with sounds of a yuletide song.
But so many Christmas Days
have sadly come and gone.

Remember when we were young
and how it used to be?
Those Christmas songs we loved
and danced to, you and me.

Moments of fun and dancing
romantic interludes too.
Happily sharing Christmas
being in love with you.

And constantly I’m reminded
how lucky I must be.
Waking on each Christmas morn
with you next to me.

Now Christmas is here again
with parties and presents too.
But the only thing I really want
is the gift of you.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Geezer

Mon, 2016-11-14 18:40

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only thing I see to critique, is what you said in the third line. I think you meant to say; So [many], not [may]. Also I think that maybe you could add the word, [lying] next to me. Just me maybe, but I think that the sentence would flow a bit better. Other than that, I think it is a good poem that is clear and flows well. ~ Geezer.

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Timbo

Tue, 2016-11-15 05:16

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Good to here from you again Geezer. Thanks, have corrected 'many.
I must admit, I pondered time and again about whether to use 'lying' how you said!
So I will give it some more thought. My wife is yet to see the poem as I wanted to have it checked by you guys first. She normally checks my poems, but this one is for her Christmas card.
Take care,
Tim

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Sparrow

Mon, 2016-11-14 19:26

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Good to know that you are so happy about the advent of Christmas, a quiet good write.
I always feel it is a time to reflect on those that are in need.
Each time I waste water, there in my minds eye is a young lad of African origin, I just say here take this water that I wasted.
I just wonder if he lives some place where water is very scarce.
Take care and send out your thoughts to all those that need..
Yours Ian..

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Timbo

Tue, 2016-11-15 05:18

Timbo's picture

Thanks Sparrow,
I agree with what you say too.
cheers,
Tim

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