we have a lot in common. my sexual abuser was my older sisters' husband. (see the poem "In Her Bed" written about me by my male alter ego) I am assuming that your attacker is your father or another family member. they take from you more than they know. not just your body, but they take your sense of security. and your dignity and right to choose, and more. they make you feel guilty and dirty and less than human!

I used to pray to "God" too, and beg for help...none came. I told my sisters and my mother...they called me a liar! I am now Wiccan, as the Christian "GOD" turned his back on me. I now turn my back on him,

your poem is well written, except for the lines:

You are the reason I love too easily
Why I cannot love at all

I say this because they contradict each other. I would remove the line: "You are the reason I love too easily"

this is just a suggestion and my honest opinion. good luck, my heart goes out to you. nice to meet you!

*hugs, Cat

If this is your personal experience I am very sorry for you and hope you will get the support that is desperately needed in these circumstances. If it is from your imagination, I am mightily impressed. That support can be as little as someone taking the time to let you talk it out. I remember noting that one of my spiritual sisters in my congregation was not her usual self. It turned out she noticed a newspaper article on the subject which brought memories flooding back about an abusive uncle. She could not talk to me directly so I suggested she phone me when she felt able to talk. Sure enough, within a couple of hours she was on the phone and all these memories poured out of her like a dam had burst. We never again mentioned it but I know she appreciated the chance to be heard.

all my women were "handled" father uncle brother
grandfather..all my women were super connected
stayed in family...uh money might have been motive
...blood thicker then water....duh..strike out on your
own only dealers...slave drivers and others snatch
U up...not a pretty world...however...all my scary
males were afraid of Ghosts....that I might hit man age
and return to flatten their world...it was more interesting
to see what they had...which in the end was not much
Survive and Thrive..........I read Tiger Tiger...and after the
author wrote this everyone was on her case..she has since
withdrawn........but I feel for her.........And that hockey dude
is out after all his abuse on young hockey boys in maple leaf
gardens in the seventies.....Karla Homolka made a deal
go look up these names...If u or I done in these bonzos we ould do life
but they got deals...not a perfect world.....So the survivors
survive......I wont say I am or not a survivor...but I related dated
and knew many who had crap through the years..

Your writing is dark but its well written and specific!
Your responses well spoken..
I do not doubt that this has gone down to U
my intuition speaks this

somehow many of us lived through that but we pay
to this day....myself included
Your writing is relevant...
the voice strong
Thank U Alana!

Mr Wolf!