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A soldier's Legacy
A Soldier’s legacy
The silence of the enemy
who made my blood run cold
is aging me quite rapidly
yes, I am growing old
Electric blues and jungle shoes
have preyed upon my youth
and stranded me in fantasy
unrecognized by truth
And all my friends are odds and ends
of post-war therapy
condemned to dwell in Asian hell
instead of living free
but you and I have touched the sky
with shaking, blood-stained hands
we’ve come to know where soldiers go
when lost in distant lands
And yet it seems we still have dreams
of righting what went wrong
to shed our shame, to clear our name,
and prove that we belong
C. Lon R. Bruso
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Thought I would re-share an oldie of mine that some may not have seen.
Editing stage:
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Comments
judyanne
Wed, 2016-07-06 23:42
hi Lonnie
I can't remember if I've read this before or not -- seems familiar
great telling, with good rhythm and rhyme.... just to be expected from you ..
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Lonnie
Sun, 2016-07-10 12:18
Thanks Judyanne
This was from my first book of poetry, just thought I'd share it again for giggles.
author commentjane210660
Thu, 2016-07-07 04:56
Very poignant
Hi, I have never experienced war first hand, yet still this touches a nerve and I find it very moving.
The rhythm and rhyme add to it, rhyme is something I find difficult, so admire when others have done it well.
Cheers Jx
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Lonnie
Sun, 2016-07-10 12:19
Thank you Jayne
Its a poem about the effect that P.T.S.D. and war memories can have on a person, glad you enjoyed it!
author commentjane210660
Sun, 2016-07-10 12:24
I did enjoy it, but it made
I did enjoy it, but it made me feel the despair too. Jx
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
Esker
Thu, 2016-07-07 06:33
cadence of the poem
"all my friends are odds and ends"
creative and true!
a great poem of memory
just a kid civvie
but that war blew open the concience
of the times....the protests and music
every summer the fear of those years
late sixties through till we watched
apocalypse now in school when
it was almost new....always haunts
me...i wear a Jungle Jacket
faux enough to make peace with
the heavy imprint it left on the family
and I think about the kids that went
drafted or joined up..or the ones
that ran away north via Toronto
and settled...we had vets and
those that chose too not go
all about....
reading up on it..cant stop watching
the vids..studying what the youth
had too carry.....e bay has tons
of material for sale....
it is unimaginable
Thank U for your service Lonnie
and writing your poetry!
been wondering where U
were!
Mr Esker!
my birth dad was born
in america
Lonnie
Sun, 2016-07-10 12:22
Thank you very much!
very interesting times those were, for sure. affected a good many people in many different ways as I can surely testify too. Thanks for reading!
author commentraj
Sun, 2016-07-10 12:22
Words from a good human being
Words from a good human being nicely scripted in these verses expressing the inner turmoil of a soldier for being part of an unjust war....
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)