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Luxurious Peace
Only peace sign is on a foreign car
With it, the door's ajar
Asking you to enter,
Come experience the splendor
Of your blood, sweat, and tears.
Never-minding who was stepped on
To get the higher praise after years
Slithering. The regret's gone
As soon as you hear the VROOM
Victory is consumed.
Disregarding the speed limit.
Hardened; Forgetting feces is scented.
That's why windows are tinted;
To be hidden from guilt ridden;
Ill; Sickened. Real living costs
A price. The meaning of life's faults
Bring you to either accept being,
Or live a life of neglect seeing
Only peace sign is on a foreign car
With it, the door's ajar.
Is this solitude?
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Sat, 2016-06-18 21:19
One man's vision...
is another's reality. Sometimes, the windows are tinted just to keep out the sun. No ulterior motives like masking the horror of everyday life. ~ I like the way you write. Lots of innuendo and leaving it up to the reader to figure out what you might be saying. Your work will smooth out more as you mature as a poet and I think you have great potential. ~ Geezer.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
jzarmel
Sun, 2016-06-19 14:59
i am really grateful for your
i am really grateful for your comment. thank you. it is also nice to hear from you again. i'll keep it going as well as i know how, taking the advise of others along the way.
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