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Hold On
All i can ask of you is to hold on
I know at times its as if im approached wrong
As if my woes song is all i dance to
As if im so empty when i romance you
The windows of my soul are blurred
With terrential rain, thinking otherwise
A mental strain speaking words aside
From sorrow is deafening, regretting when
You felt you were with a stranger
A man unsure of himself, a danger
To whatever peace and joy was intended
To whatever hope of the future has mended
I suffer slowly on a daily basis, i pray i make it
Thru this dismay, this hatred, this complacent
Sense of being senseless with insecurity
And immaturity im fighting this its prolonged
Sorry if all i can ask of you is to hold on
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Sparrow
Tue, 2016-05-17 18:59
jzarmel
Very sorry that your works have been left out of the comments, I notice that you write very rarely but that's to be expected with the reaction you have received.
As with your latest piece there needs to be a form of poetry in there and a song that gladdens the mind to read on.
I await your reply, Yours Ian.T
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti