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ARKANSAS DREAM

ARKANSAS DREAM

You are in my skin now,
Needles leaving their mark.
Running your warm hands up my body,
You feel so hot against my skin
Burning deeply with your fire.
Your scent lingers in my nose
Your touch on my skin,
That craving I can't calm,
That itch I can't scratch.
Leave your breath on my neck.

Our bodies were so beautifully tangled.
You painted my heart
Green for growth,
Purple for passion,
And silver to last.
I gave into you.
My beauty bloomed.
Your tongue exploring my body
Falling forever in your eyes,
That moment will never die.
Making me feel like the only girl,
Worshiped by your tender hands.

We rode your bike.
Wind whipping my September tears,
Knowing you have to leave me.
I saw us written among stars.
Your soul mixed in mine.
Tripping on your feet,
Feeling blush on my cheek,
A cold soul heated by passion.

Your mind so flawless.
I begged to be one again,
My lust too strong,
My love unreturned...
You called me sweetie and let go of my hand,
I wished our hug would never end.
When I wake you will be 600 miles from me.
Nothing but dust,
And the broken-hearted behind it.

I was a goddess, worshiped.
The moon watching our heat,
Turn deep red.
You did that,
You made me brave as the colour red.
I took a chance in life,
I am changed forever.
My tears fall for you,
But dry knowing you thought I was perfect in plain view.
Your heart was too far to reach.
Go to your Arkansas Dream,
But please never forget me.....

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This man made me a woman then left me behind like a used condom. I regret nothing. He lied to me a lot. But he inspired me to write so for that reason I forgive him.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I would say that feelings and emotions have been laid threadbare by you in this poem Shy. The title is appealing since you seem to be reminiscing of some some connection made their which inspired this poem. The language use is good in as much as you have used it to good effect to express raw feelings and emotions, if I read it right...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

You always flatter me. Thank you so much. I try and read and comment as much as I can. Only so much time in the day. This poem is about the past, raw emotions, and the secret within it is that it was all a lie. He didn't love me..
But that's okay because everyone has bad relationships.

The Unknown Poet

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author comment

Your comment confirms my perception of this poem to be right....I hope writing poems lets you erase albeit slowly the bad experiences and move on with a positive energy...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

I like your writing
a solid construct

throughout it is an intimate work
known within the first few lines
there are a sense of a few poems
within the entirety of this

many have said this of my works

I often work a poem in my head
the tweaks like I love of all systems
down through this I see the posessional
use of My...which is significant
the want of the urge..the loss
the desire of passion written towards
for..

a passive sense in passing

I reworded some passages
"A lust too strong...." or
"A lust strong.." foreshortened classical
almost a title or tag

"I am changed forever" in my head too
"Forever, changed"
like a soliloquy in a soft breath
cinema...leaning on the porch post
while the hero..lover..rides sunset bound..

I like the title
and the end
again cinema appeal to me
poems are like storyboards or
graphic novelettes

ARKANSAS (forget me)..kind of like
the archtype of daisy wishes
He/she loves me...they love me not!

Alanis Morisette wrote Jagged Little Pill
and Pink sang..."Please Don't leave me"
I enjoyed female writers who penned
gritty edged writing...
my female uses were not weepy
but like wolves...hurt and howling
they would give their dirge songs
with gleaming hot eye
and the silences one would sense
deeply their pain
(Rebecca Godfrey Torn Skirt)

I remember writing long ago
abstracts of what something might
be like...then love hit me sideswiped
like a wreck..and I literally had a box
on the side of the road with a few
things while the car drove away
In the rain! bye bye love..

I love love songs....the mournful
dark works of others
or the voice of the music
Dilly Dally and Seattles Kxp or exkp
radio...indie groups
Tom Waits
reality was like Jeans
torn from falling
and wear
not store bought

my heart was stone washed
by rejections
and

the lively spirit of the time
the moment
when love was fine...

I like that line
"I rode his bike or we rode the bike"
classic...
"he is in my skin"

phrases are like lighting
for a photo shot
or tatoo
the dark to the light
for perspective and pop
and wow
that make others revive
that wonder

"I love the use of mileage"

and other lines of your work
been awhile since I figured
out what too say about this
peice...as any intimate work
people put up on ol Neo

But you have captured the
essence of Love...
that excitement and drug
like atmosphere of an event
that is significant

If only it would remain
but it does...
and for me it comes out
in many poems here
for me.
all of them are here
in my works
abstracted of course!

thank U
Mr Esker!

I'm speechless you are too kind. Thank you for reading it. Like I told raj I try to talk and read as much as I can. Thank for kind words and flattery. It kind of made myou day.

The Unknown Poet

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author comment

thank U for the bold and honest appraisal of my comment..
writing is a difficult journey
for in it is the emotional turmoils and fears...
brave desires to be heard..that voice of quiet
or the howl of its beast
wanting to prowl and pad about
or like a sensitive wind be noted
freed from the confines of our lands and dreams

to all of us writing to have come this far
is the genuise of this gift and survival

let it continue!
thank U Shyanne 18

if you show lesser length
then more like me
may be able to last
the lengths diligently
get me ..
else ask me
as I can not go beyond
a length that is
the usual normal

You have to get it all on the paper
Not letting a single line fall from view
Some long
Some short
But always a part of you
I have to say what is in my heart
Or else it's so very dark.

The Unknown Poet

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author comment

.

The Unknown Poet

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author comment

Your story of a memory,
If you should learn but one tiny thing from this
Then hold it forever,
It will fade some but the feelings and changes
Will last forever.
I hold a memory of love unlike yours, as fresh as today.
It sustains my being
To know that there in those ways, is a love unquenchable.
Is to have loved indeed.
I hope that on your journey you will hold without ill feeling
the light of a love, no matter its outcome.
A great write, Yours Ian..x

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Thank you for reading. This love story is truefully but had no happy ending. I hold it close as you said because it was love like a wildfire. Growing and sucking the air out of youreach lungs love.

The Unknown Poet

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author comment
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