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Precipitation

Submitted by Buddha on Tue, 2015-12-29 22:23

       Raining all morning

sodden tent canvas sagging

     dreaming of elsewhere

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
One of the fun things to do when camping, whether it's raining or not, is to write poetry. This haiku was inspired by those inclement camping days.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Esker

Wed, 2015-12-30 09:54

Esker's picture

or motion of commotion
been awhile since my tent
days
and those were camping
but not camping times
pleasant enough

I remember the coast
I slept in the decked out
van under the spruce
the ocean I remember
its smell and texture
the seal swimming behind
me when me not knowing
everyone waving onshore

thank U !

alidzain

Wed, 2015-12-30 11:54

alidzain's picture

Well done.

Alid

Sparrow

Wed, 2015-12-30 19:05

Sparrow's picture
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Good Japanese write, though the title could do with a tweak, the word is precipitation just a natural thing to misspell, it was a word in a newspaper crossword that someone disputed with me many years ago.
Just the two liner to complete now,
A couplet with seven syllables in each line on the same theme will do fine,
Take care, yours, Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Buddha

Wed, 2015-12-30 22:15

Buddha's picture

Thank you for catching my error.

author comment

Race_9togo

Thu, 2015-12-31 00:33

Race_9togo's picture
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You took me back to a few times that I wished I had not been camping!

Looks like you know your Haiku form really well.

Good poem. Great haiku.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Buddha

Thu, 2016-01-14 22:44

Buddha's picture

Thanks again Jim, I do appreciate the encouraging words.

author comment

lovedly

Sat, 2016-01-16 16:26

lovedly's picture

buddhha slept in the open...
besides the BODHI TREE..
amidst the fragrance
smell of lotus
which in his dreams also it seems
penetrated into his lungs
through his nostrils
and he slept silently
not breathless

my poetry has precipitated in your mind
you did not more comfort
in any other find

and
so you silently did me remind
to get out of your mind

simple say openly
lovedly go grind...
live in the back half of my mind
far lonely and behind

don't let me your poems wind

Buddha

Sat, 2016-01-16 21:38

Buddha's picture

Beautiful, Lovedly. I enjoyed your poetic comments.

author comment

lovedly

Sat, 2016-01-16 22:27

lovedly's picture

Buddha ji

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