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Come September {} September contest free style{}

Very soothing change over
like a gal switches off
and
dresses into her gown
the night has come

September breeze
not much yet to freeze,

we all will see the moving away
of the sun
now on the Equator on September 21,(twentyone)
then as the sun distances from us
leaves fly about in hopeful trust
ere they lay about the ground,
in colors so profound,
trees bare down
but gradually,
till they bare like me
a baldy

then as the sun has gone down south
far enough
the summer has vanished
and
Autumn leaves are also banished

then you say 'tis fall
this has come after all,
it had to as it has been
many thousands
nay millions,
nay billion years
humanity has been at sea

just enjoy this fall
as the ones you have seen
'tis the coming of autumn
that has yet to be seen,

let green leaves now look like colored flowers
welcome autumn please
The beauty of space
is now lent by bare trees
we can through the far distance
now see....

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Contest: 

Comments

I mean the poem was lovely. Not confusing. Just very pretty.

This line is the only one I didn't understand.
(till they bare like me
a baldy)

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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you found it
lovely
to rhyme with
baldy
autumnly

author comment

A great write and now these sort of writes are expected from you so no going back, as the seasons change so must you and now you are moving into a better phase.
Not to return lol,
Yours as always Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Very vivid poem. Thanks for entering contest.......stan

This poem is different in a very good way. I like it very much. No going back. Clarity above all.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

well done
RED
GREEN
the winner !!!
in boxing
know ye?

author comment

Cant remember who it was that kept answering a question with a question, did you study under this guy lol,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

so I remember
many masters follow this drill
wait let it fall
then snow
then sunshine
then what Ian
matches ur name
hahahaaa
u got it right this time
let it rain

author comment

You must have been hell to teach, so have you retired or are you still in the aspects of the mind ??Its good to walk with someone that talks back even though it is questionable lol.
Take care young Bard, you didn't say if you preferred whiskey to tea,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

so in your garden of words
I play
and my prowess
okay brows display
can't help it any way
come September is going away
THE FALL we have now to spray
comes any day 'tis 16th today
is 23 rd far way?

question is still open any one?
answer for fun
for Ian

author comment

As there are no new comments apart from your own then I shall find some other things to do.
I wonder how long these others will be on holiday for ???
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

seasonal transitions brought about nicely

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

u have been marked absent
since long no sea
is Bombay gone dry
no MARINA beach

author comment

raj

author comment

I thought the rhymes was profound and read rather well. I did paused a few times where I stumble to keep the flow in my animated reading voice. But the poem was nice I liked the juxtaposition, new word I learn from Stan, summer like the gal that switches off and change and autumn is her undressing.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

the fall
i shall oil the very path
or spread fallen leaves
so that you move along unhurt
and fresh autumnal air
continue to breathe

author comment

What a lovely poem lovedly you've written for me in your comment.
It's was the baldy bc my brain won't read it right lol
My mind saying badly instead of baldy.
Now I get it after all. The trees are bald as your head
I like that juxtaposition

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

free fall poetry
and many thanks
to readers and poets like thee
Barbara Lady......

author comment

I too am Niagara free fall of poetry. I though am writing in my Apple notepad not posting so much but ever so often here. Eyes won't allow me to read and critique as I'd like

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

I once had a very old friend
could go to heaven any moment
i said use your glasses and read
he said foolish guy
how will I see God
when I go to heaven
and here following you silly guy
i go blind
so i said keep it in mind
and also mention to god
men of my kind
who with open eyes
are totally BLIND!

author comment

I'm doing my best

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

all the very best
in the contest
let autumn come and go
and
best poetry prize
on you bestow
let our good wishes
like the Niagara flow
and
in the Mist get dissolved
as is over
the September show!

author comment

Hope you successful win. Your poem is a winner

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

what u want me to hear
they must be outta their mind
Jess will say
but where is he?
not seen since May day

author comment

I guess you want to hear is what I want to here whether that happens depends on the judge lol

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

contests r 4 kids
I have passed
ever since

author comment

on another site... in just one day ... September poetry
300 guys have enjoyed it
in Neopoet only 5 have read it
how will Neopoets keep pace
in a rat race
I wonder Stan
ask Andrew
and Ian

author comment
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