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prestti foil little wrap
candy coated
lips loaded
crooked teeth
and the barrage
of beats
beneath this
hissing windstorm
and dusty street
full of tinned gilled
rounded amphibian
creepz
Popping Lifesavers
why not chew gum
Cant see your glare
cause its hidden
by the sun In the
flare of the magnificent
set of lifted shades
The tint of your fresh
dyed hair today
"Who told you to be
my fucking angel
anyway.."
and you spat at me
shoving off downtown
the candy on my
chest like crack
admiring the sway
of your departing
ass
You had balls
and your sack
of sass
Turning I didnt
want to see you
crying
but inside you
were hurting
and instead
you were hurling
the fusilade of
candy
like a magician
blowing glitter
dust
flipped a strand
of hair behind
an ear
and put your
world into gear
The gulls from
the car shop
took off with
half the lot
before I gave
up and made
myself stop
..
Comments
weirdelf
Sat, 2015-06-06 19:51
Classic Esker, even Orgami, with an extra something...
feels in places a bit like Gerard Manley Hopkin's Sprung Meter.
Dig it totally man.
Oh yeah, also has a bit of the Beat feel.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Sat, 2015-06-06 22:50
It was fun to read aloud too, a sure sign of great poetry
https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/prestti-foil-little-wrap-by
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Sparrow
Sun, 2015-06-07 08:31
Steve
I read it, and listened to it, and the end product is that it is you at your best, I totally agree with Jess.
Take care out there the road is rough sometimes, Yours Ian
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
Esker
Sun, 2015-06-07 14:56
Poetry Patrol!
This one felt good writing....
I feel at times like that game...Scrabble
Im not good at it....or cards either
I "see" things in my way.....but the learning
and retention that many have I dont..
Shifting from one feel of a style to another
and working through the day by day of
continous writing is layering...
writing is not difficult now...the template
there enough.....
Titles....I write titles like I do because
my pet peeve are titles
like a code...I can look through the works
looking for years now...what was going on
letter useage...the extra "k"s for "c;s"
its harder to see in contempary titled
make sense like I used too...
One of my favorite scenes was in "The Wild Ones"
in Bleekers Cafe where the unknown actors
were verbatim throwing the beat slang out...
a very short scene....There was a Rhyme in
the cadence and flow..a quickness that
allowed them to not falter..
its like Hip Hop now...
My brain does not work fast
its not a fast brain at all
But like all things I admire those that
can do all the trick moves..
the vast vocabulary and shift
Rhyme...
everything out of my focus goes blurry
and I forget about it..
school or any new learning has to be
repetitious....anything in depth
and I get lost
lucky to have gotten this far!
a lot of my works are based on the
composition of real people
and the poetry is the result of
that Affect and Effect
nothing new
or startling about that
but from the great other writers and poetry
people..especially freeform which I bought
in the POETRY section of the bookstores
there was this feel or texture..or lighting
or phrase..of shadow..of shift..or movement
that was like a drug......my mind would
sweep over the words and go....
Woa...what was that....
back up....
anyway yadda yadda....
need coffee...need smoke
looks like rain..beautiful out..
Women watching television
and working on homework
dog ambling about
down here in Bunker
with I....
Thank You!
weirdelf
Sun, 2015-06-07 19:48
great response, mate
I think the bit
" freeform ... there was this feel or texture..or lighting
or phrase..of shadow..of shift..or movement
that was like a drug......my mind would
sweep over the words and go....
Woa...what was that....
back up...."
Would be great in William's discussion "What do you think of poetry that doesn't feel "poetic"?" at
https://www.neopoet.com/william-saint-george/blog/sun-2015-05-31-1524
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry