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Nissan Fourteen At Sundown April contest
A full moon shineth bright at dusk
On Nissan fourteen at sundown
Millions observed memorial
On Nissan fourteen at sundown.
In the twilight Jesus stood trial
On Nissan fourteen at sundown
That fateful night Jesus thus died
On Nissan fourteen at sundown.
Judas betrayed him with a kiss
On Nissan fourteen at sundown
For thirty pieces or silver
On Nissan fourteen at sundown.
Jesus ate with his eleven
On Nissan fourteen at sundown
As his betrayer sealed his fate
On Nissan fourteen at sundown.
He held back from drinking the wine
On Nissan fourteen at sundown
I'll drink in heaven when we meet
On Nissan fourteen at sundown.
Editing stage:
Contest:
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Comments
Barbara Writes
Fri, 2015-04-10 02:53
Hi
I chose the kyrielle since I have mastered the Quatern.
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judyanne
Fri, 2015-04-10 03:37
Hi Barb
this is really good, but I think you need to read the instructions again
the repeated line is only in the fourth verse, and the rhyme scheme is
aabB ccbB ddbB
or abaB cbcB dbDb
or baaB bccB bddB
(the little b verse only has to rhyme with the capital B refrain)
love the write, I hope you work on it
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Barbara Writes
Fri, 2015-04-10 18:57
Thanks
I will work on it.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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emeka ozurumba
Sat, 2015-04-11 07:18
b
thats one way of buttress i admire... good write
wesley snow
Sat, 2015-04-25 18:31
A rather intense poem,
but Judyanne is right. You didn't follow the directions. Still I love the poem.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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raj
Sun, 2015-04-26 14:48
Hi Barbara
I didn't read it to see if it fits any strict form,,,yet to me it had a good feel and appeal...
may poetry flow freely to express like wild flowers in the wilderness..
raj (sublime_ocean)
scribbler
Sun, 2015-04-26 21:35
Hi Barb
A poem about a Japanese car? I've obviously missed something. I think this poem would be within the form's rules if you divided each stanza into 2 rhyming couplets. Thanks for entering the contest......stan
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2015-05-04 22:59
Hey I thought there were
Two form one or the other. I guess I'm not getting the instruction very well for this one.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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