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Stop Me

Stop me

when my soul loses compassion
and tramples on others' hearts
to attain my own desires,

when I fall and succumb to my rage.
and choose vengeance over justice
to hurt another so much more

when ego blinds me from the truth
and my mistakes are repeated
out of sheer ignorance and pride

when I am losing self-respect,
walking on the path to ruin,
and my conscience is lost from sight

stop me with your words and your love
pull me back to my senses,
free me from the madness inside

save me
from the nothing
I've become

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

There are time I wished somebody had stopped ME lol. Line 2 you need to change lost to loses in order to maintain tense. Now if it was me, I'd have isolated the last line with a line space. Enjoyed the read...........stan

Done some tweaking at the end. Tell me what you think?

Alid

author comment

Judgment day, come on you know this is fiction lol.
I liked the theme but the last line must be changed as it doesn't close the poem with the same strength as the rest of your words..
Well you definitely know where you are going wrong lol..
Yours as always Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

This is not about judgement day, its about losing control. You know when things just doesn't seem right and you are not aware of it. Anyway, I've tweaked it abit. What do you think?

Alid

author comment

Our Judgement day is for you to judge yourself, this poem seemed to echo a person talking of the faults they possessed, it ran the same line of realisation of ones faults, like a cleansing.
But just before the last few lines it changed to what you were trying to say. (stop me with your words, with your fists) it was here it became physical and the end judgement is not physical..
I missed that change in my reading fast, as I do.
This needs a bit of attention, to be truthful to its original meaning, Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

You know you do wrong, so you have a conscience, So you can do better.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I liked the theme about conscience pangs which many go through being humans.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

this is a case of me not knowing how to really bring the message out in my writing. What I really mean in "and my conscience are lost from sight" is the action that is driven by conscience is missing but I agree iff it is conscience and since it is feeling, it cannot be plural. Any suggestions?

Alid

author comment

Sincere apologies Alid

I have withdrawn my suggestions

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

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