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THE DARK SIDE OF THE SUN edit
THE DARK SIDE OF THE SUN
There is no bright and sunny sky
to look upon.
There is no pretending when
the end is near
and there is no memory
that makes it easier
no medicines, no prayers, no dreams
to take away the pain and fear.
Suddenly you turn around to see
that you've disappeared
and anguish for the times
you were you
When all is gone that you knew
there is no way to start over again
a stranger in a strange world
waiting to end,
Editing stage:
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Comments
raj
Thu, 2015-04-02 13:12
Joe
I could feel the depth of your expression and sense the mood too. As for the title, it reminded me of a title I had thought for a poem but never got to writing the poem "Other side of the Moon"..
Regards & cheers dear friend,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Geremia
Thu, 2015-04-02 14:02
Thank you, Raj ! Joe
Thank you, Raj !
Joe
judyanne
Fri, 2015-04-03 00:35
a powerfully emotive write Joe
I love the title
just one tiny thing - I' d drop the ' again' from the third last line...
i would also suggest you break into stanzas for better digestion of the points by the reader
I would begin new stanzas at lines three, nine, thirteen and fifteen
(just me)
such hopeless thinking, your words haunt me Joe
'anguish for the times
you were you'
stay positive mate, you will be you again one new now...
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Geremia
Fri, 2015-04-03 10:59
Thanks, Judyann. I will make
Thanks, Judyann. I will make changes as soon as I can.
joe
mand
Fri, 2015-04-03 05:01
HI Joe
I agree with Judy it is a powerful, emotive write. I also like the way it flows and the rhyming style. :)
Well done Joe - though I wish it wasn't based on reality.
Love to you
Mand xxx
Geremia
Fri, 2015-04-03 11:01
Thanks, Mand, I wish the
Thanks, Mand, I wish the same, It doesn't get better
love
joe