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becoming (meter is our friend WS)

at Home I AM; I'm everywhere; I'm happy, worry free
no need for growth, no need for change, content to be just me
then sent here to this manifest of horror and of beauty
my charge – conveying into form that which is still just misty

and even if, perchance, ignore the time I spent preteen
from now it seems obscene, so ignorant - serene sixteen
and even worse, mistakes I've made throughout the years between
for, here, there's no way altering the things I've done and been

with Linear's soft gift of single thread in time and space
although the tapestry is done (I can't erase, unlace
the past emotions frozen for forever in their place)
in age's realm, while moving on, I see my saving grace

the choice is free while travelling those roads both wide and narrowed
and, thus, the gift this manifest, on all of us, bestowed
the me that was and is, can be but just an echo's shadow
here's where's the chance of changing what I do and be tomorrow

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
[This option has been removed]
Last few words: 
I wrote this, as is, then parsed... I find (I think) a mixture of everything - lol.... but it still sounds ok to me .... what do you think boss? (that's you Wes)
Editing stage: 

Comments

No, no come back, it's short.
In Baroque and classical music there is a place at the end of a large symphonic work in which the lead instrument (after twenty minutes of playing EXACTLY what was in from of him) is set loose to improvise a virtuosic feat in less than thirty seconds. The improvisation must be his construction, but it must also follow the nature of the piece just played.
That is how I see poetry. Following a strict format to improvise wildly from time to time.
I only noticed a couple of spots in the poem where the meter troubled me, but otherwise it is the beauty I expect from you.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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love the story
yes - let loose after restraint - I almost can sympathise with a dog on a lead lol

I've parsed this, at Raj's request
I would be interested where the meter bothered you, to see which feet are in action....

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Since I know almost nothing about the meters I am not qualified to make a comment. It would have been nice if you had also parsed the verses and commented upon which is which, for the ignorant like me.

Meter apart, the verses didn't seem to be forced to conform to any specific meter, I could connect with the message and the theme which as mentioned by Wesley is beautiful.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

do you realise how much work it takes to parse a poem on paper?
when I said I parsed it – I meant in my head
never mind – I’ve done it just for you. I hope this gives you the idea

the verses are all heptameter

at home | i am | i'm eve | –ry -where | i'm hap | -py wor | -ry free
iambic iambic iambic pyrrhic iambic iambic iambic

no need | for growth | no need | for change | con -tent | to be | just me
iambic iambic iambic iambic iambic iambic spondee

then sent | here to | this man | –i -fest | of hor | -ror and | of beaut –y
iambic pyrrhic iambic pyrrhic iambic pyrrhic amphibrach

my charge | -con –vey | -ing in | -to form | that which | is still | just mist –y
iambic iambic iambic iambic pyrrhic iambic antibacchius

and ev | -en if | per -chance | ig -nore | the time | i spent | pre –teen
iambic pyrrhic iambic iambic iambic iambic iambic

from now | it seems | ob -scene | so ig | -nor -ant | -se -rene | six -teen
iambic iambic iambic iambic pyrrhic iambic spondee

and ev | -en worse | mis -takes | i've made |through -out | the years | be –tween
iambic heptameter

for here | there's no | way alt | -er -ing | the things | i've done | and been
pyrrhic iambic spondee pyrrhic iambic iambic iambic

with lin | -e -ar's | soft gift | of sing | -le thread | in time | and space
iambic pyrrhic spondee iambic iambic iambic iambic

al -though | the tap | -es -try | is done | i can't | e -rase | un –lace
iambic iambic pyrrhic iambic iambic iambic iambic

the past | e –mot | -ions froz | -en for | for -ev | -er in | their place
iambic iambic iambic pyrrhic iambic pyrrhic iambic

in ag | -e's realm |  while mov| -ing on | i see | my sav | -ing grace
iambic heptameter

the choice | is free | while trav | -ell -ing | those roads | both wide | and narr owed
iambic iambic iambic pyrrhic iambic spondee amphibrach

and thus | the gift | this man | -i -fest | on all | of us | be –stowed
iambic iambic iambic pyrrhic iambic iambic iambic

the me | that was | and is | can be | but just | an ec | -ho's shad –ow
iambic iambic iambic pyrrhic iambic iambic amphibrach

here's where's | the chance | of chang | -ing what | i do | and be | to –mor -row
pyrrhic iambic iambic pyrrhic iambic iambic amphibrach

note – there are no trochee or dactyl feet .....

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

sorry ...i do now realize how much trouble i caused by making you parse it...having said that it's so nice you did that which make an amateur like me realize how even more complex it is to scribe it...i salute you for your prowess as always...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Do you know what it takes to scan a poem on paper? It's like rebuilding a home from scratch and no power tools.
Okay, maybe not quite that hard, but Judyanne's efforts are to be applauded.
Good poem too.
The scansion is more impressive though.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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