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Sweet dreams..waffless

Sweet dreams

Sweet dreams are written in heaven
for those who are happily married

those still distraught
are in fallacious search caught

searching wild in the wilderness
all day all night

so let the wavering winds blow
and as we from here all go

late into the eerie night
day break bring violet light

let red roses spray fragrance too
of love and affection on all of you

like rainbows true
with a smiling hue

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Nice loved

But 'winds of change' --- too cliche
Can you think of a unique way to say it?
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

what do you think Judie
glad you now laugh at me
rflol hahaha!

author comment

Not all marriages bear sweet dreams lol. But I' damned lucky that mine has given me few night mares. Might try let the storms of pruning blow if you want to say that line differently.........stan

Might try let the storms of pruning blow if you want to say that line differently.........stan??????

couldn't follow what and why why lie>?

author comment

Judy suggested a change for winds of change. That's the line I referred to

mighty speed
''' let the winds race with speed ''
may be? just see

author comment

so let the winds of change blow
and as we from here all go

'''so let the winds race with speed
and with it slice away human greed...''
any better is it

late into the night etc....

author comment

I recently gave you a complete list of winds,
any of these will do,
but pick one that in your area doth blow..
So let the Zephyr of life flow.
Come on we wrote of many for you to choose lol,
Take care young Bard and don't get the Wind/Wind up just you do your own thing,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

i will let my wind flutter
as it does still
i won't my waffle kill
winds blow
we all know
gone be the wind
along with the bard
with in

author comment

i will let my wind flutter
as it does still
i won't my waffle kill
winds blow
we all know
gone be the wind
along with the bard
with in

author comment

good one...i suggest you keep the two line pattern through and through instead of 1 sanza which is of 3 verses...

choose an alternate to "fumes" because fumes conveys pollution rather than fragrance, scent, aroma...

A good read,

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

raj _sublime
for u being so
gen... you... ine

author comment

condensed it

author comment

to me it looks nicely condensed now

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Great revisions
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

all your good wishes

author comment
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