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My Dreams (For Wes Meter WS)

I release my dreams to dance with the stars

and watch them shine with colors of hopes

or perish and turn to dusts of life,

reborn again in another time

My try in parsing -

I release/  my dreams /to dance/ with the stars

 and watch/ them shine/ with co/lors of hopes/

or per/ish and turn/ to dusts/ of life,

reborn/ again/ in ano/-ther time 

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

This poem is in iambic pentameter

author comment

Can you write us one in combination? Iamb and anapest together?

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Done that. What do you think?

Alid

author comment

I must have missed it. Can you send me a link? Or tell me where to look?

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

his parsing for the mix

I kinda wonder what is happening when Wes says he can't see it. lol. Guess he's quite stressed out.

Alid

author comment

"stressed" out huh? Maybe we're all getting stressed by stresses

It is a combo. I'm an idiot. Your work here is done. Make sure you critique anything else to come, but I think you will be the only one to finish.
Bravo.
I hope you continue to use what we talked about and not forget it.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

but sometimes its hard especially for the one in my "Hell On Earth" and "To All The Women I Love" poems. Tht will take time and the wait for me to be a bit better.

Alid

author comment
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