Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
The Evergreen Hearts (March Contest)
Come on my heart it's time to bloom
it's time to stir your buds alive
for spring is here, wipe out the gloom
where everything's a busy hive.
That summer's here, it's never late
come on my heart it's time to bloom.
It's never late to celebrate
and stroll across the peaceful flume.
When summer's gone, there is still room
for you and I are still entwined.
Come on my heart it's time to bloom
so leave those frowns somewhere behind
Should winter come with its cold touch
the sun is shy, no beams to loom
we still can warm with love and such
come on my heart, it's time to bloom.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
emeka ozurumba
Fri, 2015-03-06 05:18
o very nice..
the tone to the reader is under dying not monotonous, and i find it very touching yet compelling.. great piece
Rula
Fri, 2015-03-06 15:44
Thank you
emeka. So kind of you to come and leave a comment. Appeciate it.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
raj
Fri, 2015-03-06 05:36
Hi Rula
nice Quatern where the repeating line doesn't seem forced, the appeal to the heart is very much vivid....you too are a strong contender amongst three so far, ..i see two more ..Judyanne & Ian...yet to read Ian's..
best of luck for the contest..
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Fri, 2015-03-06 15:46
:)
You're humbly underestimating yourself Raj... DON'T :)
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
judyanne
Fri, 2015-03-06 08:10
lovely Rula
A couple of nits
Verse 1 stanza 2 has 9 syllables
Verse 1 Stanza 3 has 7
Best of luck in the contest
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Rula
Fri, 2015-03-06 15:49
Thank you as always
dear Judy. I hadn't had my morning coffee yet when I posted.
I doubled checked...and yet... oh these excuses...:)
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
scribbler
Fri, 2015-03-06 14:19
Dang!
MM beat me to it about the syllables lol. I'm not sure if you are addressing yourself or your beloved in S-2, L-2. If your beloved it might be best to put comma before and after "my heart". Best of luck in contest........stan
Rula
Fri, 2015-03-06 15:51
How about
leaving it opened since it has many interpretations, or/and could be read in different ways?
Appreciate the thought yet and the suggestion Stan. Let me think :)
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
scribbler
Fri, 2015-03-06 16:20
You know me
I just throw out seeds and let others determine if they're worthy of sprouting lol.
Rula
Wed, 2015-03-18 02:29
and I appreciate them
all Stan.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Sparrow
Fri, 2015-03-06 19:19
Rula
A beautiful write, I know Jess doesn't like the use of the word beautiful, but in this case it stands.
I suppose I will have to yield to the ladies of Neopoet again lol.
Take care and keep up with this quality of writing,
Yours as always, Ian..
Tiny thing:- Should winter come with its (cold) touch
Take out the cold, all other lines to me are perfect at 8 syllables..???
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
Rula
Wed, 2015-03-18 02:29
Thank you Ian
sorry for the belated reply.
Reallly appreciate the nice comment
That line you've pointed out is also 8 syllables, I believe. :)
Have a nice day.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Sparrow
Wed, 2015-03-18 11:32
Rula
Some of the syllable counters give "Touch" as being two syllables, but I guess it can be one of those words where the emphasise can be either, for two or one.
"Stet" is the word for your line lol "then let it stand.."
Have a lovely day out there,
Yours as always Ian..
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
mand
Wed, 2015-03-18 03:14
Rula
it's 7 in the morning here - the dawn chorus is in full flow - and I've just read your poem! A beautiful start to the day. :)
Love Mand xxxx
Rula
Wed, 2015-03-18 06:08
I wouldn't have
asked for more dear Mand. I am so happy you liked this dear.
Thanks for your kind visit.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
raj
Wed, 2015-03-18 13:51
Rula
I venture to make a couple of suggestions:0
If the poem ts about the same heart, the title should read Evergreen Heart rather than the plural Hearts
In verse 2 of S1 would "stir: be a better option than "bring"...I feel the word stir has a motion of its own than bring..
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Wed, 2015-03-18 15:29
thank you raj
as for heart(s), I believe both work fine. Heart as talking about "that same one heart", and
"hearts" works as well as to make a generalization of all those that are the same.
but for stir, I think I like it though again bring and many other words work perfectly there, but I'll change as I think it's a word that I rarely used, if ever. :)
Appreciate your time, and the suggestions.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
raj
Wed, 2015-03-18 16:12
Rula
they were just suggestions...appreciate your explanation.which makes sense...
keep creating such stirring verses blooming into a poem.....
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
wesley snow
Wed, 2015-03-18 17:08
It's made me forget the first one.
It's beautiful Rula.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
Rula
Thu, 2015-03-19 03:44
thank you sir
.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
alidzain
Sun, 2015-03-29 19:32
Salam, Rula
lovely. I loved the flow. Kudos
Alid