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The Safety Door (Feb. contest)

He crushed one last fearful thought
and pushed open the dreaded door
Onward into the lion’s den
tingles shattering his body core
Not a moment less
Not a moment more

Each of which held a promise
A dark fearful proposal
He clenched his keys
with a well meant fist
clenched them, until his hand was sore
Not a moment less
Not a moment more

The street outside was loud
with lights and crowds
that rattled upon his trembling jaw
And the ground was soft and dreamlike
Submerged the screaming cars
he saw
Not a moment less
Not a moment more

And on among the swirl of shoppers
and throng of faceless men of war
He cut through the painful
air of fumes
a hundred million nerves so raw

He passed through the city square
under backward spinning timeless clocks
Looking for the safety door
Not a moment less
Not a moment more

A million voices rang inside
Without, a million faces bore
a seamless narrative
of malice, for him alone
for him so poor,
his thundering heart
and sweating hands
and ache and tingle
adrenal glands
worn wide eyed stare
for a million strands
of impossible thought
of implausible flight
he'd encountered
countless times before
Then a searing rain
upon his shell
cooled inner fear
and inner hell
just enough
to allow him one more crime
with familiar dread
regarded the time
And onward poured
to a solace where
he'd drunk away that
fear before
Not a moment less
Not a moment more.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
OK - I know it goes over the 30 lines, sorry about that ( :) ) - but it had a narrative that needed to be concluded. This particular door, was well used, and familiar to many, once upon a time. In for a penny. Sorry - been away for a while, some slight alterations.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Is it for the contest? You might like to say so in the title, if it is
Also, you need to put it on the contest blog, in order that the judge sees it - without the contest tab working atm, it will be hard for him/her to find all the entries on the stream. Thus Stan is collecting them on the blog as well

A write that gets one quite involved... I found my reading pace quickening the further into the poem... intriguing and captivating
I really like the repeated lines

One suggestion
Do you think a break before 'then a searing rain' might work?

best of luck in the contest
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

that the contest tab is now working - so all you have to do now is go to edit mode and click onto the contest at the bottom of the write
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I saw the field at the bottom, so I've thrown my hat in the ring! Thank you for your advice. I really got caught up with other things in the last week or so, and meant to get back to Neopoet sooner, so, hopefully, not too late.

Take care,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

author comment

Loved this write it was strong and pointed with feelings.
The last part needs an edit though, too many AND's in there, also it could do with the same layout as the first part, otherwise Great,
Yours Ian

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

OK I took a few ANDs out of there! Sorry I have been a bit tardy in my response - away with work, kids, life and..it all gets in the way of poetry!
Thank's for your recommendations, appreciated as always.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

author comment

If this is meant for contest please edit title by putting (Feb. contest) next to it

Thanks Scribbler..

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

author comment
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