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I wonder

In the beginning
God created the heavens and earth
then Boom!
A dissatisfied snake
spewed out toxic waste.
Eve tried a taste
then breast fed her children
who defecated pollution
turning earth into a junk yard
I wonder if God wants it back,
to repair it?
A permanent fix would be nice
so Gabriel can applaud!

Last few words: 
I've put this up ( even though I'm not actively editing because I'm not sure if the ending should be "so Gabriel can applause" or "so Gabriel can applaud". Any ideas? I like this the way it is, but of course if you see anything obviously wrong let me know. Thanks for your help. :)
Editing stage: 

Comments

as suggestion and applause for the poem.
I would normally object to the Abrahamic theme if you had not twisted it so nicely into heresy. If he screwed up once he may have got the whole thing wrong. A bit of basic chemistry may have helped, mud does not make for sound bodies and mind. It is not a far step from an imperfect god to a mad evil one.
You tickled me with this, thanks Mand.
Oh, you really should check this out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-suvkwNYSQo

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Thanks Jess. I've made the change and watched the link. Steven makes a valid point - one that I have made, besides others. Many of the atrocities on earth, ( my opinion ) are man made - we humans need to wise up and start changing our mind set and actions - problem is big businesses, religion, politicians science etc. all want a cut of the money, power, prestige pie - they play the game of manipulation - sad to say those of us at the bottom fall prey to the upper echelons, either through our own desires or because of being forced into it.

As for the bug issue: The insect / animal world is full of violence some of which effect humans in a horrific way. Bible tells us ( I don't know if it's true or not, I'm just saying what it says ) that God settled Adam and Eve in paradise. Were these bugs created to be that way in paradise? or did the bugs, over time, adapt and change in order to survive outside the paradise? I don't know - but I can't imagine God deliberately creating them that way and then planting Adam and Eve in their midst. It's interesting isn't it.

The question is ( if it's true ) did God screw up or did Adam and Eve screw up thus plunging their children into hell on earth? This opens up a whole new can of worms: Because Adam and Eve were created by Him, ( so the Bible says ). How could something that He created screw up so badly - and is it therefore His fault because He created something that could screw up? Umm questions to ponder!

Thanks again Jess nice of you to take the time to read and comment, it is much appreciated.

Love to you :)

Mand xxx

author comment

If ever be, be for ever
and forever be ever more
then would it ever be
to be ever more than
let be for whatever we
were ought to be
at least I thought to be
what you said to be
should be

"I wonder" did i get it right? :)

much love xxx.

raj (sublime_ocean)

Well - it should have been more like:

She forever should have been
and should have been forever more,
but she gave birth to sin
and sadly got slung out the door
and we, you see,
were slung with her therefore
we are not what we ought to be,
we should have been
what she was before. Ha ha

Love your comment Raj - what goes on in that mind of yours?

Great to hear from you

Love Mand xxxx
we are something else,

author comment

whatever my comment was like...it certainly made you have a laugh and inspired you to come up with a poem taking cues from my tongue twister...ain't that true? :) I feel happy if it achieved those objectives...

keep writing,,,,

much love n hugs..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Love and hugs back xxx and yes you inspired me with your clever tongue twister!

Mand xxxx

author comment

but if god
if you say there is
then he will have to recruit only human
to save all earth
from supposedly demon
do have a rethink
why not ask for a replacement
repairing will be more expensive
says modern businessmen responsive

The demon - can't reach him, ( if he exists he's in the spirit realm ) that's a problem for God to solve.

Nothing wrong with earth - just needs to have some good tenants that wont abuse it and each other. Te he

Don't like money ( causes to many problems ) - it's a system that needs to be abolished and replaced with something better.

( there is always the Venus project type of arrangement - look it up on google ).

Most importantly we humans need to change our mind set - when we get to the brink of destruction ( at our own hands ) maybe we will re-think, or will mankind continue in a cycle of going to the edge and then pulling back until it's to late! There are enough bombs to destroy this planet hundreds of times over. ( scary isn't it ).

Thanks Lovely - Nice of you to share your opinion.

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

Not much doubt we have managed to go a long way toward messing up the earth. But we have also done a lot in the last few decades toward righting a lot of the damages. I recall vividly the sixties when a small local river would run different colors on different days. One day orange, maybe the nest day red depending on which dye the textile plant dumped on a given day. I also recall dad (who was in the navy) not letting us eat snow ice cream when we lived in Memphis until he went to the local base to make sure it wasn't radioactive from above ground nuclear testing. I used to see sewage flooding in rivers and lakes. All these things are either now rare or non existent.

Only change I'd suggest is changing applause to applaud........stan

what about the balance
have you ever seen or heard
all pollute faeces and ashes in rivers
India they say auctioned a suit
of the PM
and the proceeds will go
to clean the Ganges

USA alone maybe pollution free
look at the world at large
will Stan thee???

Seen the pollutions and eco degradation taking place in other lands which are sacrificing the environment for "progress". This begs the question of whether we have the moral ground to tell them they can't make the same mistakes we made while building our economy? At some point they will be forced, as we were, to repair the damages they've caused else their local environment collapse and destroy their culture

Thanks Stan - I've changed applause to applaud now. ( I had a mind block on that one for some reason ) Lol

I agree - if I remember rightly the Thames river in London was highly polluted and is now clean enough for fish to survive in etc. Better small improvements than no improvements at all. But there is a vast amount of nuclear waste stored, beneath the ground / sea waiting to poison future generations. ( our atmosphere is highly polluted - you can tell that because we have a red sunrise / sunset ). Tis no wonder thousands of people are dying of cancer! Forests are being cut down, animals are being made extinct etc In little old Wales they are talking of fracking and installing a highly polluting rubbish burner etc
Countries are taking oil out of the ground - the lubrication of earths crust, ( how's that going to be replaced? ) and it's all for money. ( not using an alternative energy source because big business etc are involved ). Maybe you,re right, maybe, when forced humans will adapt and change - but lets hope it's not before it's too late.

Thanks Stan - interesting debate.

Love to you and Susan. xxxx

Mand xxxx

author comment

I agree that Man has done much to distruct his own planet. There are many factors for that, but the most important in my opinion is that the number of population is increesing rapidly and it is more than the capasity of any place. If we only be a bit considerate in consuming things and start encouraging all the productive projects that help to put things back in balance. I think we, and our kids are now a little bit more aware than the previous generations. I am for one who teaches my kids to be less selfish and more generous to the planet which they live on. Hope it's not too late.
Your poem said it quiet well. Wise one dear. I applaud your evoking thoughts.
thank you.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Will get back to you - I have to do some babysitting now.

author comment

Population now stands at around seven and a quarter billion, set to reach 8 billion within 12 years. They say that earth can only sustain ten billion - that's quite a strain on our planets resources. It seems obvious that if humans don't change, something catastrophic will happen. You are right though the up and coming generation is more aware - but like you I hope it's not too late.

The earth itself ( in my opinion ) if managed correctly ( taking in consideration that there are vast unused areas - deserts, tundra, etc ) is capable of producing much more - if only humans would cooperate for the betterment of each other and stop seeing earth as a commodity. You know what they say "united we stand - divided we fall". Scientist seem to think that the earth's population will peek and stable off - time will tell.

Thanks for your visit Rula - you make a valuable point!

Love to you and family :)

Mand xxxx

author comment

I have read a few of the pollution control papers from the USA, the end product is worrying where they put the extra cost of a cleaner world to the extra money things would cost and came down on the way of keeping things cheaper:-

"I quote an extract from a paper or opinion"

Pollution controls divert economic resources from other economic activities, thereby reducing the potential size of measured national output. As long as the increase in the value of the environment is at least one dollar for each additional dollar spent on controls, the total value of goods, services, and environmental amenities is not reduced.
http://www.econlib.org/library/Enc/PollutionControls.html

This statement goes on to verify the reason for less pollution control where it may effect the National income, to me this is as bad as it gets for any nation to take this way of being,
I expect the UK is just as bad I will look into it from this side of the pond.
We are not acting responsibly in this world and we have the technology, how can we blame the people who throw ashes into the Ganges, Athabasca oil fields springs to mind for Canada, the permafrost layer in Alaska and many other things the list is endless and there is no country in the world that can say it is doing as much as it could..
Not even Sunday but one of my pet hates.
Love you all through the Smog of time,
Yours Ian

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Just go back a couple of years ...say what was the population during the...
Time of Buddha & Christ and thereafter
Twenty apple trees could perhaps feed the lot......
Today we have 100 guys/gals/folks
visiting the wash rooms per hour,
so compare their human waste
why try only in haste
but try and population make chaste

procreate less if you will
enjoy sex which you must
but then educate yourself too
pollution will as of now continue

travel at speed
oil you use must combust,
don't yourself frustrate
cancer of prostate also face
all such things are cyclic
nature knows how to recycle

you exhale carbon dioxide
the trees inhale it don't they?
who planned such pollution
but the natural god
can you not follow a similar way
reduce population
and pollution will find itself
a natural way

There is enough oil with the earth,
it’s not for oiling the earth’s plates as such

Do apply your mind all of ye
from applause, applaud may be

But keep in mind the future of mankind
nature itself will solutions find
Perhaps you don't yet have that in mind
coz you are also one of current mankind

MAND STAN IAN and the rest check your hearts first
then say wow no more population increase from today
population will give pollution a free pathway

My population abilities ceased long ago! lol - but my kids are making up for it. ( though they assure me they have no plans for more children ). I've done a little bit of research with regard the oil lubricating the earths crust - but need to do more. It seems that taking oil out of the ground can cause subsidence, small earthquakes and sink holes. ( especially if they don't replace the oil with water ) - one gentleman is convinced that it alters the temperature of the earth - don't know how true that is though.

Thanks for your reply - much appreciated.

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

is more hotter
than a man
in his last fastest moments
u know

all the best in your research
its too hot inside the earth
and water will evaporate
and cause an explosion
aid a volcano may be

water is hydrogen and oxygen

I recall reading an interesting factoid about 15-20 years ago when the population was about 4 billion. If each person on earth was given a 3 foot by 3 foot place to stand and they all sold that close to one another they would cover an area about the same size as Orange county Florida. kinda puts population into perspective. But it's not so much our numbers as the fact that all aspire to live in a comparatively lavish manner. Human nature. I used to worry about the limit to growth and how soon that limit will come. But it seems technology keeps pushing that limit farther and farther back. Just as it appeared famine was about to run rife, along came the green revolution. And more recently when it looked as if energy would be the limiting factor new tech allowed us to bridge the gap between where we are now to the point where renewable energy sources would become our savior.

But technology has its limits. The earth should be considered an enormous organism which has checks and balances we are just now starting to perceive. take CO2 emissions as an example. Too much raises the temperature but the mode carbon in the atmosphere the more rapidly plants grow which in turn decreases the carbon by turning it into cellulose.The higher temp also increases humidity but the higher humidity increases cloud cove which reflects sunlight which cools things. And this is only a single feedback loop the earth uses to remain a cradle for life. But now even this mechanism is being altered by deforestation.So what mechanism is in place to quell the number of that pesky new species (us) which seems bent on messing things up? After all, the world doesn't really care what life is preserved, just that some type is so if humanity needs trimming back so be it. and we see hints of impending pruning now. And I think the shears might well be disease. Does it seem strange that the newer "super bugs" seem to pop up in areas where the population is densest?

So we Do need to be making a better effort in curbing consumption and decreasing our impact on the ability for our planet to sustain life. Because if we don't we may well soon read a headline about a new strain of virus which has mutated in a manner in which it's spread is almost impossible to stop. Maybe Marburg with a longer incubation period...........

You make some fabulously points. I agree technology is pushing the boundaries, giving mankind the scope to grow into enormous numbers and that the earth is capable of sustaining those numbers, if managed correctly. It seems though, in Britain at least, the population is largely dependant on the state to supply the food, most don't grow there own. A few years ago, in Britain, we had a petrol shortage - it was then that I realized that if the petrol / oil supply was cut off millions of people would starve to death, because the lorry's couldn't deliver the food. .

So whereas it's true that they have given mankind the ability to increase and sustain a growing population they have also made it so that that population is highly dependant on the state - I can't help feeling a catastrophe is looming i.e As you rightly say food production is out of kilter, due to global warming - weather patterns have gone hay wire, affecting crops. Monsanto have the monopoly on the price of seeds etc.

You also make a point that I hadn't considered - superbugs. I think that is a distinct probability - it's not looking good for mankind's future prospects.

Thanks Stan that was a comprehensive reply.

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

The opinion is that the Earths population will stabilise at 11 billion at that number the ones clocking out will equal the ones clocking in so not to worryI am going to buy nine of those plots in a square then I can have parties lol, Yours, Ian

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

You're rich then! I want to join that party. He he - cups of coffee all round - maybe with a tipple of brandy. lol

author comment

Like the poem, but why do we believe it was a god who screwed up the world. It's the human way of using their sloping shoulders to dump responsibility, me i'm more pragmatic and feel partly responsible for the mess we've made. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Nice to hear from you. Hope all is well with you and family.

I agree with you - I like the way you've put it ( blaming God is: "the human way of using their sloping shoulders to dump responsibility." ) Can't argue with that - humans are the custodians of this little planet, so it's down to us to treat it and our fellow voyagers with respect - humans have such strongly entrenched barriers that stifle united effort that I can't, for the moment, see them making any progress toward a united earth, were everyone works for the betterment of planet and people. That's sad because earth has the potential to be a wonderful place to live. Could you see mankind making the adjustments required?

I guess we ( especially in the western world ) are all responsible for the mess we are in. We can try and do our part to help and maybe, as Rula said, future generations will be wise enough to change things - if it's not already to late.

No it's our fault not Gods.

Thanks Roscoe - Glad you liked it.

Love Mand xxx

author comment

wow this is really good I am just reading tonight not commenting on form or content but just how damn good the poem is .. and its up there with one of your best my friend I enjoyed it thoroughly and tonight I need to take my mind away and make all this pain fade into the background for a while

this really helped

much love biggest hugs Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

I hope you managed to get a good nights rest and are not in so much pain today. :) and I thank you for making a comment despite the pain you're in.

I'm glad you connected to this one Jayne - I didn't take long to write this - it just sort of spilled out!
( that doesn't happen very often, to me anyway - wish it did ).

Thanks again Jayne - lovely to hear from you.

Love Mand xxxx

author comment
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