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Sometimes I wonder

And sometimes I wonder
If my words are worth something
More than just phrases
Falling out of my mouth
Curled all around
In a bundle of nothingness
Waiting for someone
To figure them out
And sometimes I wonder
If this is all worth it
Just to end up lying
6 feet under ground
A life full of lies
To make others feel better
Without ever worrying
If you feel better yourself
So look in my eyes
And call me a cynic
But I know better
Than to take any offense
Because your words as well
In the end will mean nothing
So why start pretending
They make any sense

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
All feedback appreciated
Editing stage: 

Comments

to start a sentence with and or but ( I have been guilty of this myself)
other than that little glitch this is a good write. It speaks truth

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

are we talking to ourselves when we write?
Most beginning photographers take photos of their own feet. Often on purpose.
Only you can answer this. Do you want to say something powerfully and beautifully using the full grandeur of language and prosody to other people?
Or are you muttering to yourself?
Your choice.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

In my opinion..this poem brings out a bitter fact of life about words being spoken and tributes being paid much after the one for whom they are meant is gone. Though it appears to be written as free form, i believe punctuation and breaking it down into logical stanzas could make it easier on tongue and lungs. However, these are just my thoughts, I liked the thoughts ingrained between the lines, if i read it right...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Lets have some more writes from you , this is good but we have other workshops where you can now express many other feelings and I hope they are expressed as well as these,
Yours, Ian.T

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

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