Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Tyburn

Submitted by Rula on Sun, 2015-02-22 03:00

sheeny
shiny
ugly
surly
to mimic the sheeny, shiny stars
abandon the ugly, surly scars

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Last few words:

A Tyburn is a six line poem consisting of 2-2-2-2-9-9 syllables. The first four lines rhyme and are all descriptive words. The last two lines rhyme and incorporate the first four lines as the 5th through 8th syllables in each of these lines.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

Sparrow

Sun, 2015-02-22 10:35

Rula

Thank you for the introduction to another form of poetry, me having written about the Tyburn Tree earlier should have been aware of this form lol.
I have added it to the O-Z of poetry forms, but here is the part for your poem which was written perfectly as usual:-
A Tyburn Poem is a six line poetic form where the first four lines consist of just a single two syllabled word each that all rhyme. The last two lines are nine syllables where the fifth to eighth syllables are the words from the first four lines.

Example of a Tyburn Poem:-

http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/tyburn.html

I may have a go one day, meanwhile take care,

Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Rula

Sun, 2015-02-22 04:31

Thank you as usual Ian

for the add. However reading line five, I think something is missed there. There should be nine syllables there, where it only has five cra-shing- cla-shing-sea

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

Sparrow

Sun, 2015-02-22 10:31

Rula

This was an example from the net so I expect there is a big typo there some place I will check, clever girl lol.
Thanks , you take care, yours, Ian

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Rula

Mon, 2015-02-23 03:27

No problem Sparrow

Fly freely :) Mistakes happen everywhere. Espcially in a open space like the net.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

judyanne

Sun, 2015-02-22 19:20

a fun form Rula

I do have a problem with your rhyming words - to me they are not really pure rhyme - the 'y' ending doesn't make up for the 'e' 'i' and 'u' vowels ( as even the 'u' sounds are different

But lol - that of course is just me wanting perfection - OCD gets me at times

Still love the write and the use of form
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Rula

Mon, 2015-02-23 01:02