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POST STORM'S EVE ( edit )
The biggest snow in twenty years
ended late this winter morning
finally in late afternoon
clouds break open
revealing a citrus sun
Tinting tangerine cotton candy clouds
and enhancing footstep's craters
as shadows swiftly lengthen
For a time of short duration
all white surfaces are burnished
by low-angled shafts of sun
while the arctic breeze
shakes loose bough bombs
of sherbert ice cream
which keep scavenging squirrels
on their toes
Now the shadows over rule
and crescent moon in east sky rises
accompanied by the evening star
So we'll let the chill wind and darkness
drive us inside
to share hot cocoa
before a warm fire
* another sojourn into the unfamiliar
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Wed, 2011-01-12 15:39
eve
thank you shirley, but I'm gonna work on it a bit anyhow lol..................stan
scribbler
Wed, 2011-01-12 15:42
jayne
you know I always welcome suggestions ( I even take them on occasion lol) I'm going to try to do 1 free verse per week and need all the help I can get.................stan
Kailashana2
Wed, 2011-01-12 06:52
You couldn't have picked a
You couldn't have picked a better time of the year to foray into free verse. It's like running naked in the snow. Cold but exhilarating, thank God for hot cocoa and a crackling fireplace, warm arms. ;-)
You done good.
I would choose another word for one of the *swiftly's*. And I like to use *elongated* shadows for their description.
~A
scribbler
Wed, 2011-01-12 15:44
greetings ~A
I am glad you pointed out the repetition and will correct it right away..........................scribbler
scribbler
Wed, 2011-01-12 16:37
eve
I think a bit of Canada is paying us a visit here in South Carolina right now. It's now 3 days after the storm and the snow plows haven't made it to my street yet. Expect the snow to hang around at least through next week end which is an exceptional duration for this area. I am pleased you enjoyed this write.............stan
scribbler
Wed, 2011-01-12 18:21
eve
thanks shirley as my editing skills are limited..............stan