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Doors (Feb. contest)

Submitted by wesley snow on Fri, 2015-02-13 14:42

In Rome an arch was like unto a gateway to
a realm unlike Eternal Rome could hope to be.

Two Pillars make one unknown door that will be crossed
despite that on the other side will evil be.

So what then is a door but passage on and toward.
Departure and Arrival is gross meant to be.

So open doors, you must you know or life stands still.
Most doors are changes, ruts are ended, I at last am free.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
The poem's form is Alexandrine (iambic hexameter) with an identical rhyme scheme until the mind rhyme at the end.
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
February 2015 contest

Comments

lovedly

Fri, 2015-02-13 22:44

lovedly's picture

you too are
an open door like me
no judge?
now i see!
so another door poetry
I will compose
wait and see
will snow man
also ye

Rula

Mon, 2015-02-16 05:25

Rula's picture
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Line 5 and the last line don't meet your iambic hexameter, but are we supposed to count the syllables when the message comes across. I believe all the "words" lead to Rome and yours ring so true sir!

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judyanne

Mon, 2015-02-16 11:38

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With the scansion of the fifth and sixth verses - 'through and toward' and 'life stands still'
-but it is nothing major
(but passage through and on)
(or life becalms)

I like the way you have finished with a verse of hepameter...

I really like this Wes ( lol - you got me with the form) and, of course, with the uniqueness of your descriptive
good luck in the contest
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

judyanne

Mon, 2015-02-16 11:10

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All I did was double click :(
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

raj

Mon, 2015-02-16 11:20

I liked the way you defined a door, not quite the image of a door which is in the reader's sub conscious. You have rather made a reader like me what constitutes a door.

As for the vowel count and all those iamns, penta hexa meters, I am not qualified to comment because I am still recovering from the horrors of getting all those nearly right while trying my hand with a sonnet...lol...besides I do not think that the contest rules demand that the poem should conform to such strict disciplines...unless i have missed out on that...in which case I wouldn't have entered the contest "door"..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

judyanne

Mon, 2015-02-16 11:34

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I'm just anal when it comes to something that is obviously written in form
And (lol) I believe Wesley is too
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

raj

Mon, 2015-02-16 13:26

Lest i be mis understood i wish to clarify that I am not averse to any type or form of poetry...i just wished to state my level of discomfort with certain forms largely due to my limitations and shortcomings...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

wesley snow

Mon, 2015-02-16 15:42

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This is all part of Wesley's ongoing attempt to (as Stan puts it): loosen up. My metronomic way of writing interferes with emotion. I will never surrender the forms (I would shrivel and die), but I will learn to gently abuse them.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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author comment

scribbler

Mon, 2015-02-23 22:47

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Blame Stan for everything lol. But a break in meter Can actually add emphasis to a line or stanza. Thanks for entering

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