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Sacked quarterback
Feeling dumped is as a sacked quarterback
Losing the race of life as a missed touchdown
Joy slowed, entrenched in sadness
Spirit of joy stalled, losing a game yours to win.
None to blame but you your self when all is lost in love and war
Decisions are yours in an imperfect world that's strained.
Much self importance and superiority destroys life
and embrace death of insignificant inferior lessors.
Editing stage:
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Comments
alidzain
Fri, 2015-02-13 11:13
hi barbara
I just wonder if it will be better to the "you" in the couplet first line.
The last stanza might be better if you break into 2 lines -
Much self importance and superiority destroys life
and embrace death of insignificant inferior lessors.
Not sure if that last word is really "lessors" or a misspelled "lessons".
Your choice. You know what's best for your poem. I'm just offering suggestions.
Alid
Barbara Writes
Sat, 2015-02-14 00:10
Alid
Thanks for reading. That last line was a format issue that was stubborn and I decided to fix it later but forgot. Too much late night poetry writing lol.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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