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Love me O Dawn

Love me O Dawn
My Love
In the moonlight I see your sparkling face
I recollect yours such a charming smile
where can anyone love so tender ever trace
except in your romance all my while
The candle light flickers tonight
all fire burns me out like a forest
But still I will keep it aright
when I think of you being so modest
Champagne we shall have so free
All will also enjoy some water of coconut
Candy will be served along with tea
For those who love to have salted peanut
Love and my heart shall rejoice
Tenderness and tears would be your choice
Dawn
THAT twill dawn is a foregone conclusion
there can be no intrusion
but
whether we will participate or decimate
is the times dictate
no one can that say
I for one can never be sure
the cancer of my EGO
has no cure
I want to achieve poetic recognition
of money fame I have no audition
all I want to see
ere I merge with eternity is
mans wildness of thought
becomes naught
the I in me should dissolve
like salt, does water absorb.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

You have three poems in one here, loved
(and maybe just a tad of waffle)
What do you reckon?

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

to separate the chaff
with your winnow..
what is ur reckon
may I know

author comment

You try first
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I wil suggest at least 3 stanzas for this lovely piece.

Alid

I agree with Judyanne you have the makings of three good poems here and there are some awesome lines in there too.

I look forward to seeing how this progresses. :)

Love Mand xxxx

Which r those ???

author comment

and I have given in, and edited it to my suggestions
BUT - next time I visit you, you try first - deal?
xxx

Love me O Dawn

my Love
in the moonlight
I see your sparkling face
recollect your charming smile

where can anyone ever trace
love so tender
except in your romance

the candle light flickers tonight
all fire burns me
like a forest

champagne we shall have
enjoy some water of coconut
candy served with tea

when I think of you
so modest
love and my heart shall rejoice
tenderness and tears
would be your choice
Dawn

there can be no intrusion
but

------------------

whether we will participate
or decimate
is the times dictate
no one can that say

I for one can never be sure
the cancer of my EGO
has no cure

I want to achieve
poetic recognition
of money fame
I have no audition

all I want to see
ere I merge with eternity
is mans' wildness of thought
become naught

the I in me should dissolve
like salt, does water absorb.

-----------------------------------

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

yes there are two poems
that's right
I will read yours with delight

Thanks Judy
your edits I like

deaf?
yes really ,
partially
blind?
yes definitely
one eye only

one winks at 16
the other blinks
at prospective
Valentine

14 Feb coming do you see!

author comment

you never now come to advise me
hope you are well lady

Love me O Dawn

my Love
in the moonlight
I see your sparkling face
recollect your charming smile

where can anyone ever trace
love so tender
except in your romance

the candle light flickers tonight
all fire burns me
like a forest

champagne we shall have
enjoy some water of coconut
candy served with tea

when I think of you
so modest
love and my heart shall rejoice
tenderness and tears
would be your choice
Dawn

there can be no intrusion
but

------------------

whether we will participate
or decimate
is the times dictate
no one can that say

I for one can never be sure
the cancer of my EGO
has no cure

I want to achieve
poetic recognition
of money fame
I have no audition

all I want to see
ere I merge with eternity
is mans' wildness of thought
become naught

the I in me should dissolve
like salt, does water absorb.

author comment
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